chapter seven
I have never been more scared in my life. She just clutched her throat and gasped for air. I held her as she blacked out and she actually stopped breathing in my arms. The doctor rushed in and immediately gave her medicine as they put her in the ambulance. Rob, who I had apologized to for the outburst at the bookstore, drove me to the hospital since the doctor on the tour went in the ambulance to help them.
I paced that hall up and down, waiting to hear about her health. It was an hour before they told me anything and I had time to think about the way I had been treating her. I was nicer to her than I had been, but I certainly didn’t want her to die thinking that was the best of life. I didn’t want her to die period. All I kept thinking was that I should have known. She told be she was allergic to all seafood and I forgot. If she died, it was my fault.
When the nurse finally came out and told me she would be alright, I went into her room and watched her sleep. I called my assistant and had her redo the bus, had my rider changed and asked the doctor to do a blood test so she could get the medicine she needed for her thyroid. I watched her until I fell asleep myself.
That was yesterday. I did the make up concert a few hours ago and now I’m on the bus with her. I can’t sleep, I just keep putting my hand on her back, carefully not to wake her, and make sure she’s breathing. To top it all off, Summer got a cold and fever from being in the hospital. The doctor says it will be gone in a few days, but I’m sure that doesn’t make her feel any better.
Were going to spend Christmas together at my house in Malibu and take a week off from touring. I’ve decided to get her a puppy even though she prefers kittens. I was eavesdropping when she was talking to Rob about it, but because it can go on tour with us, I figure I’ll get her a puppy now and a kitten at the end of the tour. She likes both animals anyway, so she’ll get the best of both worlds. Summer isn’t the kind of girl who likes to carry a dog in her purse either, so I decided to get her a border collie. I talked to a breeder already and I pick it up next week.
Mom is going to be spending Christmas in Memphis, but she’ll come Christmas Eve to see us in Malibu. She was so concerned about Summer that she offered to take off of work, but I said I was taking care of her. And I’m going to keep that promise.
I decide to pull out the food that was given to us about an hour ago because the clock say seven and Summer will be up soon. Just as I hang up the phone, Summer comes out of bed with a bunch of blankets and a pillow dragging behind her as she gets comfortable on the sofa.
“I got your breakfast.”
She groans, “I’m not hungry.”
I sit beside her and give her the thermometer. She puts it in her mouth and after it beeps, the screen reads 101.2.
“You need to lie down.”
“I’ve been lying down forever. I am going to lose my mind.” She covers her body with the blanket.
I bite my lip for a minute, “I’ve go an idea.”
She narrows her eyes at me, “What are you talking about?”
I go into the bedroom and pull all the covers of it. I push the couch closer to the TV and I spread the blanket out from the top of the big screen to the back of the couch. I drape more blankets all over until all of them are used and crawl underneath it with her.
Summer sips Gatorade as she looks around, “A tent?”
“No, a fort.”
She laughs, “Is it our secret?”
I fold over the hole I made to get in, “Yeah. It’s our secret.”
“What do you do in a fort? I’ve never been in one.”
“I’m glad you asked.” I show her the microwave and poke my head out of the blankets to plug it in. I grab the bag I need and go back in.
“I am an expert, now watch and learn. You break the gram cracker in half and put it on the plate, you put the chocolate on one side and the marshmallow on the other. Now you put said plate in microwave for thirty seconds…. and ta da! A s’more.”
She’s giggling hard and I hand her the plate as I make myself one.
Summer takes a bite, “I guess I could get this down.”
I take a bite of mine and turn on the flashlight in the fort, “I’m going to entertain you since your not feeling your best right now.”
“You’re going to stand on your head and blow bubbles?” She tries to keep from laughing as I stop in mid bite of my s’more.
“No, but I am going to have to kill you if you mock me again.”
She mocks seriousness, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize this was such a serious matter.”
“It is. Now, do you want a massage or not?”
“Oh, a massage. You want to give me a massage? Why don’t you just say you want sex?”
“I don’t want sex.”
Summer squints at me, “I noticed you haven’t wanted sex in like two weeks. Are you sure YOU’RE feeling fine?”
I hesitate before speaking, “Do you even like sex?”
She frowns, “Does it matter?”
“You don’t, do you?”
Summer lays her head back, “Would you like having to sleep with people you don’t know or like?”
I shake my head, “I’m a guy. We generally like to sleep with any female we can get.”
Summer rolls her eyes.
I ponder asking her the question that pops into my mind, but she’s pretty open about sex, “Have you ever even had an orgasm from a guy?”
She raises her eyebrows at me in horror.
“I’m sorry, I am such an idiot-”
She’s giggling really hard, “I’m kidding. Relax, you think I can’t talk about this kind of stuff? I’m a hooker for crying out loud. To answer your question, no. I can’t seem to ever feel turned on when I’m with a guy.”
I nod, wondering how I couldn’t have noticed that she was not enjoying sex, but I was pretty caught up in my own release.
I bring the subject matter back to its origin, “Well, the question is do you want a massage?”
I pause and watch her face and she searches mine.
“Alright, a massage it is.” She unzips her sweatshirt to reveal a tank top and moves her body until her back is close enough for me to touch. I rub her tired shoulders and she relaxes a little, sighing in contentment. I move to her lower back and she makes a throaty noise, causing me to focus on that part of her back. I massage her back for a little while until she gets tired of sitting up when she starts to feel the full effects of her fever.
I fluff her pillow and she lays down on it, “You want to watch a movie?”
“Sure. What do you want to watch?” She pulls her legs up into her stomach and turns her head to the TV.
I search through the DVDs until I find on, “How about Just Like Heaven?”
“Yeah,” Summer scoffs, “That really sounds like your type of movie.”
“It just so happens that out of all the chick flicks, I enjoy that one more than a lot of them.” I pop it in the DVD player and grab the remote.
“We don’t have to watch a chick flick.”
“Hey, maybe I’m a Reese Witherspoon fan.”
“Yeah, maybe in Cruel Intentions but Just Like Heaven? I appreciate the effort though and I do like this movie.”
“Well good.” I reach out and put her feet in my lap, rubbing them.
Summer tries to pull her foot away, but I tickle the bottom of it until she burst into hysterics. She calms down a little and sits up slightly, “Why are you doing all of this?”
I turn to look at her, “What do you mean?”
“You barely looked at me when this tour first started. Why all of a sudden are you treating me like the Queen of Sheba?”
“Nobody deserves to be treated the way I treated you.” I pause for a moment. “I have to tell you something though.”
I put the remote down, “I’m the reason you had the allergic reaction. I forgot that there was seafood in my rider. It should have occurred to me when you told me, but it didn’t.”
Summer sits all the way up, “That’s not your fault Justin. Just because I told you I’m allergic to a food doesn’t mean that your mind should automatically go “Gee, I wonder if my food on tour has seafood in the salad?” Everything’s fine. I survived and you shouldn’t give it a second thought. I don’t want you to do all this stuff because you feel guilty.”
She can say not to feel guilty all she wants, but in the end, I still feel the same way. For once in my life though, I’m actually going to do something about it. I’m going to treat her like a real person.
“Can we just watch the movie?”
Summer lays back down staring at me, “I wasn’t aware you had a conscience.”
“It makes an appearance every once in a while.” I say, handing her another Gatorade and some Advil.
“Well, will wonders never cease? It’s an early Christmas miracle.” She holds my hand for a minute before letting go. And my heart skips a beat.
______________________________________________________________________
Summer was better a couple of days later and after much prodding got her to come to my dance rehearsal. I don’t like to leave her alone anymore so I now drag her all over creation with me. I have practiced this routine a hundred times and I could do it in my sleep, but I like to perfect everything.
She sits in the chair, watching me as I dance.
“Okay, how many times are we going to go over this before you decide that it’s perfect?”
I wipe the sweat off my forehead, putting on a cd and U2 comes on over the speakers.
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait....without you
I reach my hand out to her and she shakes her head, “I can’t dance.”
Summer looks uncomfortable but I go over to her and take her hands, “Just follow my lead.”
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
She tries to keep her distance from me in my arms as I spin her around the dance floor. Summer moves her body to the beat and moves like an angel, slowly and gracefully. She twirls and the skirt she’s wearing goes with her, the clingy fabric spins lightly before returning to her legs. I pull her closer to my body and I feel her suck in a breath.
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
Our bodies move together and it takes a minute for Summer to relax again. I pull her chin up from watching my feet, “Keep your eyes on mine and just go with the flow.”
I move my hands down to her waist from holding her hands and move her to the music. She puts her arms around my neck and finally rests her head against my chest. Her 5’6 frame just reaches my chest midway and I put my head on hers.
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win
And nothing left to lose
I put my hand on her back and dip her, pulling her back slowly. I freeze as she gets within two inches of my face, but the door to the room opens and Summer jumps, pulling away from me.
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
Rob walks in and looks at us with curiosity, “It’s time to get back on the bus. We need to make it to Colorado by tonight.”
Summer fakes a smile and runs up to Rob, “Great, I need to get some sleep.”
She leaves with Rob and I stop the cd. I sit down on the dance floor for a minute and hold the spot in my chest where my heart aches. What’s happening to me?
U2- With Or Without You
8