chapter twenty three

I wake at four and move my suitcases downstairs so I can make a quick exit. I grab the clothes I’m going to wear and take a shower in the bathroom down the hall so I don’t wake Justin. I tried to trust him and in the end, I couldn’t. He’ll be happy someday though and thank me for leaving. He needs someone who is healthy and one who he cares about enough not to cheat on.

I dry myself off, finally strong enough to move on my own because I’m finished with chemo. It was such a relief to not have the cancer spread. I’m in remission and it feels like I’ve been given back my life. I don’t dry my hair because the hair dryer might wake him. Justin doesn’t love me. He doesn’t. How could anyone? That’s why he cheated on me. I’ve never been good enough. He’s going to thank me.

I pull on my clothes and put the leash on Layla. Whiskers is adorable and I pick him up and go down the stairs. I blink away the tears and go to the front door where I put my bags. I stop at the table in the hall first and leave Justin a goodbye note. It’s easier this way.

I walk to my bags and stop dead in my tracks. I let Layla’s leash drop and put Whiskers down. He can’t do this to me.

“Don’t leave Sum.”

Justin’s sitting on my suitcases in front of the door. Tears are running down his face and he looks like I just shot him His eyes are bloodshot and he can barely get the words out.

“Please don’t do this Justin.” I say.

He stands up and comes closer to me, “I love you. I know you know I love you. Don’t give up on us.”

I try to take a step backwards but his hands go around my waist too quickly. I can’t stop the emotions now and I feel my legs give out, but he’s there again and picks me up effortlessly.

“You can’t love me.” I barely get out as his lips crush against mine.

“Yes I can.” He whispers against my lips between kisses.

“The cancer could come back.”

“Then I would be with you till the end. It doesn’t change anything.”

He grabs the bag from my shoulder and throws it to the ground. I give in to him and wrap my arms around his neck, “Jay, let’s go upstairs.”

He stops for barely a minute, “Can we do….”

“Hell yes.”

I grab at him and we barely make it upstairs before he devours me. I’m naked in about three seconds flat and I actually think I got him undressed in the same amount of time. His lips find every curve as he concentrates on my stomach.

“I’ve missed you so much.” He says as his lips skim over my abdomen.

“I love you Justin.”

He crawls up to me and smiles, “I love you too.”

His hands massage my hips and intertwines our legs together as his lips suck on my neck. My hands wrap around him and rake my nails up and down his back. Justin kisses around my face before connecting with my lips again in a feverish high.

“Jay, baby don’t tease.”

“Do you remember when you used to be the one that teased?”

I feel him rub my center and I purr in delight, “So know you’re paying me back?”

“No, teasing is for when you’re having sex. Foreplay is what you do when you’re making love.”

Just the sound of his gravely voice makes me remember the first time we really had sex. It seems like a lifetime ago.

He inserts two fingers and they pump in and out. I open my eyes to find him watching my face. I take my hand and drag my fingertips up and down his arm that is giving me pleasure. I give him a lustful look and lick my lips. Justin decides he feels enough moisture and positions himself to enter me.

“You sure this won’t hurt you?”

“It only hurt when I had the cancer.” I reply.

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” I say as I raise my hips.

He enters me and his penis fits me just right. He groans and starts moving in and out of me as I suck on his earlobe. Justin’s hands outline my body as they search around, rediscovering what truly has become his. I hold on as his body picks up the pace and I say Justin’s name over and over.

He rolls his hips against mine and I fight to be closer to him although I’m aware that were skin to skin. I feel him melting in to me as we move together. Pants come from my mouth as he hits the exact spot that make me go weak.

“Come for me angel.”

I put our foreheads together and focus in trying to complete a sentence, “Not without you.”

“Hang on one minute, I’m almost there.”

I try to hold off my euphoria as he thrusts into me.

“Damn, you ready?”

I nod as he gives it one deep thrust and we go over the edge together.

I sigh in exhilaration and contentment as Justin lies his head down on my chest.

“You were right.” He whispers.

“About what?” I ask, my hands rubbing his biceps.

“About sex only having real meaning when you’re in love with the person.”

I smile as I doze off.

________________________________________________________________________

A few hours later I wake up and try to get up to use the bathroom by sliding out from Justin’s body, but he pushes me against the mattress.

“Faker.”

He chuckles under his breath, “You’re not going anywhere.”

“I just have to use the bathroom. I’m not going to run away.”

Justin looks up at me and smiles, “Hold it.”

I roll my eyes and push at his body playfully until Justin finally lets me up to use the bathroom. I pull on Justin’s shirt and walk in to the enormous bathroom. The phone starts to ring and I hear Justin shout at me not to answer it, I see the number on the caller ID and press talk.

“Hello?”

“I’m assuming you don’t need a ride to the airport.”

“No, but thanks Jenna, for everything.”

“Hey, I owed it to you for hitting on your boyfriend. Did I mention I’m sorry for that?”

“Yes, about a hundred times since we became friends.”

“Good. I just wanted to get my point across.”

“Mission accomplished.” I laugh, “Listen, Justin will be whining for me to get off the phone in a minute, so I better say goodbye.”

“I’m glad you made up with him. Call me later and give me details about what the doctor said exactly.”

“Okay, bye.”

I hang up the phone and move the hair out of my eyes as I walk back to the bed.

“Uh, what happened to not answering the phone?”

I shake my head at him as he pulls me against him, “I needed to tell Jenna I didn’t need a ride to the airport.”

“No shit.”

I lay on my back and Justin pulls the covers over our heads as he kisses my neck. I see out of the corner of my eye his hand go out from the sheets and returns with a pen. I know exactly what he’s planning on doing.

“Justin, you’re not drawing on me.”

He pulls the cap off with his teeth and holds my hands above my head with one hand while the other draws on my hip.

“Jay, they’re called freckles, not connect the dots.”

“Did you know you have Orion’s Belt on your arm?”

I giggle as I continue to try and get the pen to no avail. Justin draws a heart with our initials in it, blowing on the ink as it dries.

“You good now?”

Justin looks up at me and grins, “Yes, thank you. Would you rather I urinated in a circle around you to mark what others shouldn’t touch?”

“The heart’s good.” I mumble.

“That’s what I thought.”

Justin goes out of the covers again and returns with a box this time. A little bow sits on top of the lid and he hands it to me, “I got it for you and was going to give it to you the night of the party.”

I open the lid to find a heart necklace laced with diamonds. I take it out and admire it, noticing that it isn’t a regular necklace, but a locket. I open it up to find the pictures of us from the photo shoot minimized to fit inside.

“Oh, Justin it’s beautiful. Thank you so much.”

He entwines our fingers, “Turn it over.”

I turn the locket over and inscribed on it is, “To my heart and soul.”

“You like it?”

“I love it.”

________________________________________________________________________ We spent the week together just bonding. Justin was forced to eventually let me leave his sight because he had some interviews, so I made a call to Jenna. I decided to celebrate beating the cancer and the feelings I’ve never felt before.

“Hey.” Jenna says, hugging me as she closes the car door.

“Hey yourself.”

“You look so good. Are you sure you want to do this?”

I nod happily, “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Well, it’s a hot idea. I myself haven’t done it yet, but after watching you, I might be tempted.”

I laugh and we get off the highway and pull up to the building.

Jenna holds my hand as we walk in, “After everything you’ve gone through, this should be a piece of cake.”

The girl at the front desk smiles at me and says, “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I have an appointment with Kathy.”

The girl looked in her book, “Yep, I’ll call her right now.”

She got on the phone and within thirty seconds, Kathy appeared from the back, “Hi, I’m Kathy.”

I shake her hand, “Summer, and this is my friend Jenna.”

“Alright, if you guys want to follow me to the back, we’ll get started. Is this your first?”

I bite my lip, “Yeah, I’m a little nervous.” I say as I watch other people in the different rooms I pass holding in the pain. You can see it in their eyes though.

Kathy brings us to her station and I sit in the chair with Jenna holding my hand. Kathy takes out a new needle and puts in on the equipment “Do you have any idea what kind of tattoo you would like?”

“Yeah, actually. My boyfriend drew a heart with our initials in it, and I was hoping you could duplicate it.”

“Sure. Do you have a sketch or do you want me to draw one for you?”

“Actually, it’s still on me.” I unzip my jeans and pull on side of the jeans down, revealing the faded heart on my bikini line.”

“You chose me because I’m a girl, didn’t you?”

I clear my throat, “I just wasn’t comfortable with a strange guy tattooing me there.”

I think about the irony of the statement, having had a lot of strange guys down there. It’s different now. I feel like an entirely different person.

Kathy laughs “Yeah, most girls want another female if they get a tattoo in a more private area. Since it is there though, it’s going to hurt since the skin on the front of your hip is more sensitive. Also, you have to take your pants off and slide your underwear down so I don’t screw up your tattoo.”

I nod and remove my clothes while Kathy traces the heart off my hip and then cleans the ink of it so I don’t get infected.

I flip through the book of sketches, but inwardly thinking my tattoo will be better than some random dolphin or bird. It’s more meaningful.

“You’re sure about this? Once this is done, it’s pretty hard to get rid of.” Jen points out.

“If I can look back fifty years from now and remember what it felt like to be in love, I don’t think I’ll ever regret it.”

“Your boyfriend must be really important to you to get something so permanent.” Katie comments.

“He is.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Jenna and I get back to Justin’s and go inside, “So it doesn’t hurt that bad huh?”

I look inside the cabinet and pull out a bag of potato chips and plop on the couch next to her with the bag in between us, “Not that bad, but it’s a tiny tattoo.”

“It still cool. Maybe I’ll get one.” she muses.

“I like it.”

“Did you tell Justin you were getting it?”

I grin devilishly, “No, I thought I’d surprise him.”

Jenna gives me a knowing smile, “Okay, just be sure you can still walk by the time he’s done “appreciating” it.”

I giggle as Justin walks through the door, “Hey Sum, Jen.”

“Hi.” We say in unison.

“I’ll be going.” Jenna says, winking at me as she whisks out the door, waving at Justin as she grabs her coat.

“What’s up with her?” Justin asks.

“I got you a surprise today.”

Justin gives me a funny look, “A surprise?”

I nod and unzip my jeans, removing the cotton gauze to reveal the tattoo.

He practically runs over to me, mouth hanging open, “That is so hot.”

“Look familiar?”

“Oh yeah.”

His fingers graze over the ink gently, admiring the tattoo. I back up from him playfully and hold back a laugh, running for the staircase. I hear footsteps coming behind me as I reach the third step and a hand pulls me down by the sixth.

“Don’t you dare run from me.”

I laugh as he tickles me to death before kissing my tattoo.

“You’re in so much trouble.” He says wickedly as a smile graces his face.

Don’t I know it. Bring it on baby.

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