chapter twenty two

I got a call from Trace today. He said he wanted to visit Summer, so he’s coming over at noon. I miss him. I miss being able to talk to him or being able to joke around with someone.

My mom came over yesterday with John. Summer was amazing with him. No wonder she wants to have a lot of kids. She’s like a modern day Mary Poppins. John took one look at her and curled right up. Summer talked to him like he was her own son. Watching the two of them caused my mother’s heart to break. I know the feeling.

I hear the doorbell and go to answer it.

“Hey.” Trace says.

“Hi.”

He steps in and looks at the floor, “Summer’s sleeping, but if you go up I’m sure she’ll want to see you.”

“Can we talk first?” Trace asks.

Fuck yes, “Sure, come on inside.”

I go into the living room and sit down as Trace plops himself in a chair. I hear him cough and I know what I have to say.

“Trace, I can’t let you see Summer if you’re sick. If she catches it…”

Trace puts his hands up, “I know. Actually I came over so you could tell her I came to see her and to tell you something.”

“What?” I ask anxiously.

“I just wanted to tell you, I forgive what you did to me.”

I sit in awe, “Really?”

“Yeah. I was actually coming over that day to tell you that I was going to propose to her. I guess it saved me money in the long run. She only wanted you, not me. After having seen you and Sumer together, I wanted a girl who loved me. I wanted someone who looks at me the way Summer looked at you and I was so desperate that I thought that proposing to the first girl I was with longer than four months would suffice.”

“Trace, I can’t say enough how sorry I am and that it will never ever happen again.”

“I know you would never do something like that in your right mind. I forgive you for everything. Now you have to work on getting Summer back.”

I hang my head, “I love her so much it hurts. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to hold her, have a conversation with her, feel her breathe. I spend most of my time sneaking into the bedroom to watch her sleep and all I want to do is curl up with her.”

Trace comes over to the couch and puts an arm around my back, “She has to be okay.”

“I keep telling myself that but when I look at her and see the fear in her eyes, I don’t know what to think.”

Trace pats me on the back, “You have to help her through this.”

I nod and Trace gets up, “Keep telling her you love and support her. It makes all the difference. I have to go but tell Summer I came to see her.”

We stand up and I hug Trace, “Thanks for forgiving me. You’re my best friend.”

“Your mine too. We can’t let a vindictive bitch come between us.”

I walk Trace to the door and with my best friend back, I go to get the love of my life back.

I peek in the door and find Summer up and reading The Secret Garden. I walk through the door and sit on the edge of the bed, “Trace was here.”

Her eyes light up, “Where is he?”

“He’s sick, so he’ll have to wait to visit you until after his cough subsides.”

She looks so disappointed, “Oh.”

I look at the book, “You like that book?”

“I always wanted to have a secret garden as a child. New York doesn’t exactly offer the best conditions for a garden.” She says quietly.

Her phone starts to shake and she opens it up, reading the message across the screen.

“He forgave you?”

I try and smile at her, “I guess that must be Trace. Yeah, he did forgive me.”

Summer bites her bottom lip looking at the screen and I take the phone from her and kiss her head. I start breathing heavily and rub my nose in her hair.

“It’s not that easy Justin. You hurt me so much.”

I press my head to hers in an attempt to erase the nightmares I’ve caused her, “I know Sum. I’m so sorry.”

“Was I not good enough? Was she better than me?”

I sigh at the question, “No, Summer I was upset and I don’t even remember sleeping with her, so it couldn’t have been good. I love you so much and when you didn’t say it back, I got drunk.”

Summer lets a few tears slip, “After you promised you wouldn’t.”

“I’m not making any excuses for my behavior, what I am saying is that I’ll do anything in the world to make it up to you.”

“How can I ever trust you again? You told me I could trust you. You promised and you lied.

“I’ll do anything Sum.”

Summer pulls her knees up to her chest and I wrap my arms around her frail body, “Let me in. Please let me in.”

“Why do you care? In fact, why do you even have me here? If you really loved me, you would never have slept with her.”

I take her hand and put it on my chest where my heart is, “I love you. That’s all there is to it. Stephanie was a mistake and I need you to get better. Just let me take care of you, I can do it. I’ll step up I swear.”

“Pain is all you’ve given me.” She whispers.

“I’m going to prove to you how much I care.” I answer her, holding her against me.

________________________________________________________________________

I called in my surprise for Summer and received her other this morning. I put a bow on one of them and carry it upstairs, “You up?”

She nods, not looking at me. I place her gift on the bed and a tiny meow causes her to jerk towards the squeak.

“A kitten!” she exclaims.

I smile as she picks up the kitten and pets it. The small ball of brown fur purrs as she runs him.

“It’s a boy. I thought because Layla’s a girl, you might want a boy this time.”

“Why? My track record with them is not what you’d call stable.”

I hang my head in shame, “Do you want a girl kitten?”

Summer sighs, “No, this one is perfect.”

“What would you like to name him?” I ask, guilt washing over me again.

“I think Whiskers is a good name.”

“Whatever you want.”

Layla comes in and gives the kitten a once-over before deciding that it’s not going to attack her. Summer cradles the kitten in her arms and it sends me thinking about other things she’ll never cradle if she doesn’t get better.

“I called Elizabeth, she’s on the next flight up here. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it sooner, but I’m thoughtless most of the time.”

Not even a smile. I hand her a book, “I also bought you a copy of Emma. I’m sure you’ve already read it, but I figured you might still want to read it.”

Still no response, “Aren’t you glad you had the last of the chemo this morning? You’re test results should be in soon.”

I try to keep from grabbing her and never letting go. At this point, she lets me touch her but refuses to show affection towards me.

“Well if you need anything, call me; I’ll just be down stairs.”

I lay on the couch for a minute and before I know it, I’m asleep.

________________________________________________________________________

Tony comes in hours later and wakes me up, “Sorry to disturb you, but I went to go pick up Elizabeth and she wasn’t on the flight.”

“What do you mean she wasn’t on the flight?”

“She never got on the plane.” Tony answers.

“Okay, thanks Tony.”

I immediately dial Elizabeth’s number which I have memorized now. No answer. I have to tell Summer, so I go back up to the bedroom.

I knock and enter the room, “Hey Sum, Tony went to go pick up Elizabeth at the airport and she wasn’t there. I called her and there was no answer, so maybe she got stuck in traffic or something. As soon as I get in touch with her, I’ll have her flown up.”

“I’m the reason she wasn’t on the plane.” Summer says.

I look down at the floor and there are two suitcases packed with some clothes, “What’s going on?”

I notice for the first time Summer has got her purse next to the bed, “I got a call from Dr. Patel, she said the ultrasound came back find as well as the x-ray. The cancer hasn’t moved and since I finished my chemo, I’m done. Technically it’s called being in remission.”

Her voice is steady and a look of disbelief and sheer happiness is evident on her face. I feel a weight lifted off my chest and grab her, hugging her to my chest, “Oh thank God.”

I look down at the floor again and try to imagine what’s going through my mind isn’t true, “What’s with the bags?”

Summer looks down as well, “I’m leaving. That’s why I told Elizabeth not to come. I’m going to fly back to LA and finish school before moving.”

“No. NO, you can’t leave.” My mind reels from the news that has just been dumped on me within the time span of one minute.

“I’m leaving tomorrow morning. The local bar could use a bartender now that I’m twenty one and I could go to school during the day.”

I shake my head like I’m a bobble head, “You are not leaving. You’re supposed to stay with me. Remember the plan?”

Summer is trying to remain unemotional, but I can tell as her chin trembles some, “We made that plan when we were together. I think it would be best if I went away. It was a heck of a six months together and I will look back on it with no regrets. We just aren’t meant to be. I hope that you and Trace have a wonderful life.”

I reach out for the bed with my hand as my eyes never leave hers. I can’t comprehend what she’s saying. It’s too hard.

“Summer, please stay here with me.” I beg, my pride having left me the day I saw her asleep at Jenna’s.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” she chokes on her words but tries to recover and act like this isn’t hurting either of us.

I run my hands over my head and begin to panic. I try and think of any way to stall her. Something to stop her from walking out that door.

“Would you prefer if I slept on the pull out couch tonight?” she inquires, “It might be easier on us.”

The last thing I want is for her to be any further away from me then necessary.

“No.” I say in shock.

“Alright, well goodnight.”

I watch her get into bed and curl up with Whiskers. I turn off the light and lie next to her numb, feeling nothing but the loss.

23