chapter eighteen

Flashback- I was so drunk after my birthday party that I couldn’t even move off the couch. I just sat there is misery as Stephanie cleaned up some of the trashed house.

“How are you feeling?” she says, sitting next to me.

“Don’t ask.” I answer, leaning my head against the back of the couch in an effort to stop the throbbing.

She puts her hand on my knee and brushes it up my leg.

“Poor baby, let me help.”

Stephanie leans over, kissing my forehead. She works her way down to my nose and then finally to my mouth. I don’t think, giving into the bodily act I’ve wanted for a while now. Only it’s with the wrong person.

________________________________________________________________________

I woke up the next morning in bed, hearing my name being called. I open my eyes and see Stephanie on top of me naked as Summer’s voice flows through the large house. What have I done? I cheated on my girlfriend and slept with my best friend’s girl.

Fuck.

I pull on some sweat pants and go downstairs, “Summer?” I call.

I walk into the kitchen and am immediately greeted with a hug. She kisses my bare chest, burying her head against me and says the words I’ve been dying to hear from her, “I love you too.”

“What?” I can’t believe my ears.

“I said I love you.”

I kiss her hard, but remember Stephanie upstairs, “Why don’t we go out. You go outside with Layla and I’ll get ready.”

“What’s with you?” Summer asks.

Then I notice Jenna standing by the door, “What are you doing here?” I demand.

“She’s here because I invited her. I think you need to hear her out and we need to talk.” Summer responds.

“I can’t talk right now I-” But I hear footsteps and Stephanie cuts me off.

“Jay are you coming back to bed?”

She comes in and puts her arm around me. Bitch. I immediately push her off me as Summer sinks to the floor. Then it got worse.

Trace walks in and sees Stephanie in her underwear with me, taking one look at Summer and knowing exactly what happened last night.

“You.. She… Don’t either of you ever talk to me again!” Trace yells, storming out of the house. Stephanie looks bored and I don’t know who to go to first, Summer or Trace. I hear Trace’s car start so I run after him first, hoping I’ll have a chance to catch Summer after I get Trace.

I run out after him and yell to him as he gets in his truck, “Trace, man it was an accident.”

Trace laughs bitterly, “Was it an accident that you slept with my girlfriend or you lost the one girl who really loved you.”

“I was drunk,” I implore, “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t care. Sometimes sorry can’t fix everything Justin. Don’t bother calling me, our friendship is over.” I watch Trace leave and hear a car door slam. I look around and see Summer in Jenna’s car and Jen about to drive off with my heart.

I pound on the window, “Summer, please come inside and talk to me, I love you.”

She pulls her legs up to her chest and sobs into them.

“We have a contract, you have to stay.” I plead through the glass. It’s a last resort, even if I have to keep her here legally, I’ll do it. I need her.

She picks her tear face up to look at me, “The contract was up last night Justin. Happy Valentines Day.”

Jen pulls out of the driveway and my knees go weak as I sink down on them.

I go inside and Stephanie is sitting at the table, “What the fuck are you still doing here?” I demand.

“Drinking coffee.” She says as if the last ten minutes never occurred.

“Get out.”

“It’s not my fault you did it with your best friend’s girl and betrayed your girlfriend. You did that all on your own so don’t take your shit out on me.”

“You used Trace. You only wanted to get to me.”

“Yep.” She says in a happy tone, “And I did. Nice job on the monogamous thing.”

She pulls on her clothes and prances out the door as I’m left without a heart.

End of flashback- ________________________________________________________________________

I haven’t talked to anyone barely in days. I did the remaining two tour dates and finished up, going back to New York. I had to smile, act like nothing’s going on when I feel like I can’t go on. The paparazzi have noticed Summer isn’t by my side, like I haven’t figured out that for myself. I feel like I’m watching myself do everything, somewhat of an out of body experience. I miss her like crazy. After shows I just lie in bed with Layla and think about Summer and Trace.

I won a Grammy. I was there and smiled when my name was read five times. Inside, I was dying. Brought my mother in the place Summer was supposed to sit and my manager in Trace’s seat. I felt so alone. I feel so alone.

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

I’ve tried to contact Trace and Summer, but they have changed their numbers. I don’t do anything but lay in my bedroom, holding her pillow and breathing in the scent of her. She told me she loved me. I’ll never forget the way she wrapped her arms around me and said those words.

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Craig cancelled all interviews and I only move to feed Layla. She’s the last thing I really have of Summer except for the books I bought her. She only took the ones she paid for, so I read the books and think of her. My mom has been over and I told her everything. I saw disappointment cross her face when I told her and it was the kick in the stomach after a brutal beating.

Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
And she tied you to her kitchen chair
And She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

I have to find her. I’ve tried to use my connections to find out where she is, but apparently being a celebrity doesn’t mean you’re the FBI. I don’t know what state Jenna lives in and she’s not registered her name in New York if she does live here Craig tried locating her but he couldn’t. I tried to call Artista and get Jenna’s address from them since, but they refuse to give out that kind of information. Craig went down to talk to Jenna, but she’s taken her three week vacation. She was informed of us trying to track her down and called a lawyer that told Craig if I tried to get her address, they’d put out a restraining order against me.

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I don’t know what Summer was doing with Jenna, but it must have been for some reason. I really don’t care right now. All I care about s getting two of the most important people in my life to forgive me.

I hear a knock at my door, but I don’t bother to get up because I know it’s not Summer or Trace. I hear footsteps and Craig walks through the bedroom door, “Get up.”

I bury my head deeper into Summer’s pillow and don’t move.

“I have news about Summer.”

I jump half way into the air and open my bloodshot eyes, “What is it?”

Craig throws a magazine on the bed and it’s a picture of Summer and Jenna going into a hospital. The cover reads, “Justin Timberlake’s girlfriend enters hospital for surgery without Timberlake by her side. Is it splitsville for the two and if so, what is the matter with Summer?”

I can’t breathe.

Well baby I've been here before
I’ve seen this room and I've walked this floor
You Know, I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

“I called the hospital, apparently it’s only an hour from here but they won’t give me any information.”

“Thanks.” I say hoarsely.

Craig nods, “I’m going to go now, but eventually you will need to get out of bed.”

I say nothing as Craig leaves. I look at the cover again before throwing it across the room. I get up and send everything flying off the dresser as I fall to the floor. I open my eyes and see a little piece of paper on the floor. I pick it up and look at it. It has Elizabeth’s number on it.

I grab for my phone and call the number. I pray she picks up with every ring until finally I hear, “Hello?”

“Elizabeth, its Justin. Don’t hang up!”

Elizabeth snorts on the other end of the phone, “Why not?”

“Because I need to find Summer. I saw the magazine covers and I need to know what’s going on. I love her. Please I’m so sorry.”

I hear Elizabeth breathe heavy on the other line and I start to panic, “Elizabeth, what’s wrong with Summer?”

“She has ovarian cancer. The doctors did surgery on her and removed one of her fallopian tubes. Were waiting to see if it has spread anywhere else.”

I feel shivers go through my body, “Where is she Elizabeth?”

“She’s living with Jenna.”

“Give me her address, I’m going to go get her.”

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

“I have to tell you Justin that she’s very weak. Apparently the surgery was very expensive so now she’s working as a secretary so she can get the coverage she needs for chemo. This is the only reason I’m telling you because she shouldn’t be working so soon. It’s dangerous.”

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew is Hallelujah

“Give me the address and I’ll go pick her up and pay for everything.” I manage to say while trying not to hyperventilate. Trace knew she was sick. That’s why he told me to be good to her.

“Hang on, I’ll give you her address.”

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I wait for Elizabeth while scenarios flow through my mind. How bad has her cancer spread if it has? How was her surgery? Is she in a lot of pain? I don’t know.

Well maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

_____________________________________________________________________

I drive to Jenna’s place. The house is listed under her mother’s maiden name and that’s why we couldn’t find her. The house is only thirty minutes from my house and I pull up to the curb.

I did some research before I left on the internet which made me actually get sick. Ovarian cancer is known as the Silent Killer. The procedure the doctors preformed didn’t render her unable to have children but if they have to remove the other one, she’ll never have any. Then I read some of the symptoms.

Weight loss, lower back pain and pain during sexual intercourse. The last one made me stop breathing. No wonder she didn’t want to have sex, it was painful. The information says it can feel like knives stabbing you. And I didn’t listen when she said stop.

I barely made it to the toilet before letting the one thing I ate come back up. I need to get to her, chemo is necessary after the surgery to keep it from spreading and from what Elizabeth said, she has to work another three months before she qualifies for that. She can’t wait that long. I go up to the door and knock. It feels like time is barely moving before Jenna open the door, “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Look, I’m sorry but don’t you think a few things are more important right now then me being an asshole?”

Jenna gets a knowing look in her eye, “You found out.”

My lips tremble as I speak, “You could have called me and told me she was sick. I have the money to take care of her but you’d rather her die than be within five hundred feet of me?”

“I wanted to tell you if only for the money, but she wouldn’t let me.”

“Can I come in? Where is she?” I plead.

“Yes, come on.”

I go inside the house and she signals for me to be quiet.

“Follow me.” She whispers.

I walk behind her up the stairs until we reach a room and Jen carefully opens it, sticking her head inside before letting me see. Summer’s sleeping in the bed, all curled up in a bunch of blankets. Her face is extremely pale and she defiantly looks like she’s gone through hell and back.

I go to open the door, but Jenna stops me, “We have to talk before you go in there.

She shuts the door and I about kick the fucking thing in.

“Jen I need to see her. You don’t understand-”

“Justin she doesn’t want to see you so if you’re going to take her, your going to have to do it while she’s sleeping.”

My baby doesn’t want me. I feel like my heart is bleeding.

“Okay, what do I need to do?” I say quietly.

“I’ll get her meds together, open your car door and put down the seats, you pick her up carefully and put her in. The medication she’s on is very strong, so she should sleep through it.”

I close my eyes and lick my lips, “Why don’t you come with me just until she wakes up and I tell her everything. You can fill me in on doctors and stuff and Summer will know I didn’t kidnap her.”

“Alright.”

Jenna goes downstairs and I open the door to the bedroom. Summer’s just lying there. I go over to her and softly kiss her hand that is out from under the covers. I haven’t cried since I was a little kid, but tears start to roll down my cheek as I pick her up, feeling just how much weight she has lost from being sick.

I carry her out and put her in the back successfully. Jenna gets in the front seat and I start the car, thanking God she didn’t wake up.

I look over at Jenna, “Thank you. For everything.”

“It’s the least I can do. You need to worry about Summer now.”

I know. Believe me I know.

19