chapter seventeen

He told me he loves me. He loves me. And then it all fell apart. I couldn’t say it back because of everything. I know how I feel about him and I want to tell him, but if I did, I would have to put him through so much that I couldn’t do it. But I love him back.

I haven’t slept tonight at all. Never even went to bed. I just sit on the window seat and let my thoughts drift. Trace brought me back to his place last night after Justin got pissed. I understand why he did, but some of the things he said really hurt.

I put my head against the window pane as Trace walks in and hands me a cup off coffee, “You could use a strong cup.”

I take the cup from him, “Thanks.”

Trace sits next to me and takes my hand, “He didn’t mean whatever it is he said to you. Anger brings out the worst in him.”

“He told me he loved me.”

Trace looks surprised, “Then why didn’t you say it back?”

“How did you know I didn’t say it back?” I inquire.

“Justin only said you didn’t feel the same way.”

“But that’s just it, I do. I love him. But having to tell him and expect him to be drug through the mud with me is a whole other thing completely.”

“Why don’t you let him decide for himself? Justin loves you and that’s all there is to it. You can’t make decisions for him, even if you think it’s in his best interest. Tell him you love him.”

Trace rubs the back of his head with his hand in frustration. I sip the coffee for a minute and twirl my thumb ring around, “You’re right Trace, I should tell him how I feel. After breakfast I’ll go over and tell him.”

Trace smiles, “Good girl. It’s six in the morning so why don’t we go out for breakfast to give Justin time to recover from his hangover and then go see him?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

We stop at a little bagel shop and sit inside. Trace goes over to order us some breakfast and I play with the tiny creamers. All of a sudden a blonde pulls up a chair and sits down next to me. It’s Jenna.

I sit there in shock and Jenna bites her lip, “Hi, I’m Jenna. I think you remember me?”

“How could I forget?” I say.

Jenna tries to smile, “I guess you’re right. I was just sitting over there when you came in and I had to tell you something. I’m sorry.”

“Excuse me?” I’m completely lost.

“I’m sorry for everything I did to you and to Justin. You seem like a really nice girl and I should have never hit on Justin.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Jenna’s eyes start to water as she holds the tears back, “Because you deserve to know. You see, Justin and I never slept together when we were dating. I was fifteen and every time he wanted to do it, I was nervous and would say no. When I turned eighteen I finally decided I was ready and in love with him enough to want to. The problem was that he was no longer in love with me. I barely saw him and when I did, he said he was too tired. So one day, a guy off the crew was hitting on me and he made me feel special, so I slept with him. Justin walked in on us when he was trying to surprise me.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with me.”

“It has everything to do with you. Justin stopped dating me immediately and jumped around from girl to girl, sleeping with whomever he wanted. Now what I did was incredibly wrong, but as long as he couldn’t settle down, I could accuse him of being non-committal. It wasn’t all my fault, he didn’t love me and there was something wrong with him.”

Jenna lets a few tears slip, “But when he started dating you,” she says quietly, “I couldn’t say that to make myself feel better anymore. I had to face that I wasn’t the one for him, not that he couldn’t be in a committed relationship. I wasn’t the one and it hurt. I wanted to prove to Justin I could sleep with him, be the girl he really wanted. The funny thing about this whole thing is I don’t have feelings for him anymore.”

She closes her eyes and rubs her forehead, “I just wanted to know he was wrong to. But it turns out, I was the only one that was wrong. You’re great and funny and beautiful. Justin’s really lucky to have you.”

I’m stunned. Someone could probably blow me over with a feather. In spite of myself, my heart goes out to this girl. She was just trying to hang on to a guy she used to love.

“I’m sorry I spilled that drink all over your dress.” I get out.

“I deserved that, don’t worry about it.”

“You told Justin all this?” my hand reaching out for hers to console her as the tears flow.

“I told him I was sorry and tried to get the rest out, but he didn’t want to listen to me, not that I blame him.”

Jenna wipes her tears on a napkin on the table and tries to laugh, “Well I’m an idiot, but I’m glad I told you and Justin and I promise not to bother you guys anymore.”

She goes to get up from the table and I grab her arm pulling her back down. Jenna looks at me for a second and then I hug her. She hugs me back and we just stay like that for a minute.

Trace comes back over to the table with a tray of food and I think his eyes are going to pop out of their sockets.

“Jenna?” Trace says.

We pull apart and Jenna giggles a little between soft sobs, “Hi Trace.”

“Okay, what is going on?”

“I think I just made a new friend.” I say, squeezing Jenna’s hand.

“This is just weird.” Trace comments as he sits down.

________________________________________________________________________ We spend the next hour talking until there’s nothing left to say.

“I think it’s time we pay Justin a visit.” Trace says, standing up.

“Good luck with him. He really loves you.” Jenna grabs her purse and puts it on her shoulder.

“You could come with us. I think we all have things to get off our chests, even Trace.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah. I think we both could use a friend anyway.”

Jenna smiles, “You could ride in my car and Trace could follow us.”

“Sure, you guys can girl talk and I’ll just follow your car.”

We drove to Justin’s house and Rob let us in the driveway. Trace was stopped at a red light but he’ll be joining us in a minute or so. Jen and I get out of the car and I go through the back door to the house which drops you off in the kitchen.

“Justin, hello?” I call out.

I hear footsteps and he appears in just sweatpants, looking awful, “Sum?”

I run over and hug him, wrapping my arms around his waist, “I love you too.”

He tips my chin up, “What?” he says softly.

“I said I love you too.”

He wraps his arms around me, backing us until we hit the kitchen table. He smiles and kisses me, “Why don’t we go out. You go outside with Layla and I’ll get ready.”

I furrow my forehead, “What is with you?”

Justin looks up and sees Jenna for the first time, “What are you doing here?” he says with an angry tone, pushing me to the door.

“She’s here because I invited her. I think you need to hear her out and we need to talk.”

“I can’t talk right now I-”

But a female voice cuts him off, “Jay are you coming back to bed?”

A blonde walks into the kitchen and lazily drapes her arm around his waist.

Stephanie.

Gypsy, sittin lookin pretty
A broken rose and laughin' eyes
You're a mystery
Always runnin' wild
Like a child without a home
You're always searchin'
Searchin for a feelin'
But it's easy come and easy go

She looks at me and kisses his shoulder. Justin pulls away from her as he moves towards me as I back up. I can’t breathe.

“Sum, it was an accident.” Justin begins as Trace walks through the door.

I sink to the floor and watch as Trace put two and two together.

Oh ---- I'm sorry but it's true
You're bringin' on the heartache
Takin all the best of me
Oh can't you see
You got the best of me
Whoah can't you see

“You.. She… Don’t either of you ever talk to me again!” Trace yells, storming out of the house. Justin doesn’t know who to go to first, but finally decides on Trace when he hears the car start.

“Why?” is all I can say to Stephanie who is standing there in barely anything with a smirk on her face.

You're bringin' on the heartbreak
Bringin' on the heartache
You're bringin' on the heartache
Bringin' on the heartache
Can't you see
Oh

“Because I could. I was never dating Trace because I felt anything for him, I was with him to get to Justin. I love the spotlight, I told you that. I was all over him, the signals were all there, you just weren’t paying attention. I danced with him, comforted him when you two would fight and for crying out loud drank from his glass. I wanted him and I didn’t care who I had to hurt to get him.”

You're such a secret
Misty eyed and shady
Baby, how you hold the key
Oh, you're like a candle
Your flame slowly fadin'
Burnin' out and burnin' me
Can't you see
Just tryin' to say to you

You're bringin' on the heartache
Takin all the best of me
Oh can't you see
You got the best of me
Oh can't you see

I feel like punching her in the face when I feel Jen help me up from the floor. I find my legs and run upstairs to pack before Justin get’s back and I lose it. Jen follows me as I look around the room. Justin has paid for everything. Nothing is mine except for a few things. Jen watches as I throw a couple of books into a bag and a few articles of clothing.

You're bringin' on the heartbreak
Bringin' on the heartache
You're bringin' on the heartache
Bringin' on the heartache
Can't you see
Can't you see

“You can stay with me.” Jenna says sympathetically.

I nod and go downstairs, passing Stephanie who’s made herself comfortable on the couch and go out to the car, getting in just in time to see Trace peel around the corner. I lock the door as Jenna gets in and Justin tries to open the car door.

He pounds on the window, “Summer, please come inside and talk to me, I love you.”

I pull my legs up to my chest and sob into them.

“We have a contract, you have to stay.” He pleads through the glass.

I pick my tear stained face up to look at him one last time, “The contract was up last night Justin. Happy Valentines Day.”

You got the best of me
Oh can't you see
You got the best of me
Oh can't you see
You're bringin on the heartbreak
Bringin' on the heartache

You're bringin on the heartbreak
You're bringin on the heartache

With that, Jenna pulls out of the driveway as Justin sinks to his knees. Cameras go off as we pull out and I look over at Jenna, “I need to tell you something.”

Mariah Carey-Bringin’ On The Heartbreak

18