chapter seventeen

I get off the plane and out of the terminal headed for Chad’s office building in New York. Things didn’t go so well last time I saw him and Justin is still furious about his nose which although is not broken, hurts like hell. The good news is that everything is out in the open now and I’m here for closure. I take a taxi cab to Chad’s address and go up to the receptionist sitting at the front desk. She looks up from filing some sort of paperwork and smiles, “May I help you?”

“Yeah, I’m here to see Chad Cogswell.”

”May I ask who is inquiring to see him?”

I pause before answering, “Emily Haywood.”

The receptionist gets on the phone to call Chad and I wonder if he’ll actually let me see him. It never really occurred to me that he wouldn’t want to even look at me until I actually am standing here. The woman hangs up the phone and smiles, “Go ahead up, he’s waiting for you. Office number 107.”

I get into the elevator and ride it to the third floor. I walk a minute and arrive at his door. I just stand outside it for a minute before rapping my knuckles against the mahogany door that would impress any incoming clients to how powerful one man can be. The door opens and Chad stands before me emotionless, “Emily.”

“Hi Chad. Do you have just one minute?”

I hold my breath as he steps aside so I can come in the door. I stand in his office that shows off his impressive degrees and accomplishments that for a while enraptured me. I thought he would be the answer to the problem that I had faced all my life. I was going to forget about my first love, marry someone who adored me and live happily ever after. I soon realized what he wanted was not a marriage but a merger, someone who would wear pearls with an argyle sweater and kakis. Someone to have his one point two kids and play soccer mom and Stepford wife with the other wives of rich investment bankers. Only Chad didn’t realize that’s not what I wanted and I was on the game on pretend. Those women aren’t happy, their one step away from having an affair with the pool boy.

“What do you want Emily?” Chad asks.

“I came to give you back your ring.” I answer, holding out the velvet box that held my greatest affliction. Chad takes the box and opens it, looking at the ring before snapping the lid closed, causing me to jump and the dead silence being interrupted.

“I’m really sorry Chad.”

“What are you really sorry about Em? For calling off the wedding, cheating on me or breaking my heart?” he asks cynically.

“All the above. I am so sorry the way you had to find out. I was planning on flying in and telling you about Justin, I just didn’t get the chance before, well you know.”

“Just tell me one thing, why him? He’ll never love you the way you love him and yet you continue to go back to him.”

“Because I love him. I don’t feel anything when he’s not with me.”

Chad sighs, “What about me? I loved you to pieces and yet that didn’t stop you from doing what you did.”

“I don’t feel the same way about you. I tried, I really did. I know you love me and I so desperately wanted to love you back.” I laugh softly, “You would have made my life so much simpler. I just couldn’t be the girl you wanted me to be.”

“Thanks for bringing it back.” Chad says, ignoring the last thing I said and holding up the ring box.

“No problem. You’re going to find the perfect girl who is going to display that happily on her finger, I just know it.”

I lean in and hug him one last time, “I’ll never forget you Chad.”

“I won’t ever forget you Emily.”

I wave a small goodbye and exit the building, getting back in a cab and heading home to Memphis which will cease to be my home in exactly one months time. My mother put Gram’s house on the market and took the first bid to punish me. She has yet to say more than two words to me since she found out about me and Justin. I guess it’s just as well, I have nothing to say to her anyway.

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Emily went to go see Chad early this morning. I tried to talk her out of it, I was not in favor of her going to see the fucker who punched me but she’s stubborn. Em insisted that she give him back the ring, end it the way it should have been done in the first place. I disagreed and tried to put up a convincing argument but I’m horrible at debating and besides, even if I was good at it Em will always get the last word. Always.

I wait patiently for her to return. She sent me a message while I was on the phone with Trace saying she had gotten on the plane in Tennessee and would be home in about twenty five minutes. So here I wait with Abbey to hear how it went. I’m anxious of course to know what was said and if he tried to touch her because I will personally have a hit man take him down if I find out anything.

I hear the door open and she comes in the door as I get up to help her calm down Abbey who insist on greeting her first. She kisses me on the mouth which is a good sign and hugs me, “Hey you.”

“Hey yourself. How did it go?”

Emily shrugs, “As good as something like this can go. I gave him back the ring, explained that I was sorry the way he had to find out and said goodbye to him, once and for all.”

“Well that’s good.” I comment.

“It’s nice not to have to sneak around now. We can finally be together.” She says smiling.

I smile back at her and go over her words in my head, “We can finally be together.”

Right. Together. Because that’s what she wants. I want her, but to but it like that makes me want to run in the other direction.

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Justin, Trace and I decided to go poke around Atlanta today. It’s beautiful out and summer is in full swing. August is the hottest month normally in the south and I’m usually running for the air conditioner about this time but it is surprisingly nice out and clear of humidity.

I hold Justin’s hand as we walk through the streets, looking at all the things that are for sale. I spot some sunglasses that I like and pull him with me over to the cart that is selling them out of.

“Like you need another pair of sunglasses Em.” Justin remarks as I try a pair on.

“Yeah, you have gorgeous eyes, why bother covering them up?” Trace says.

“Trace, kissing my ass will not make me leave or move any faster in picking out a pair.” I respond, smiling at him condescendingly.

“Then forget it. Get a blindfold or something.” he grumbles.

“Nice Trace.”

“No problem Em.”

I shake my head and go back to picking out a pair. I finally find one after much complaining in the boy’s part and pay the guy. I slip them on as we walk and smile, “What do you think?”

“I think you couldn’t have possibly gone any slower in looking them all over.” Trace quips.

I throw him an evil look as Justin kisses me, “You look great baby.” He says.

I lean my head against his arm and he squeezes my hand. Trace spots an ice cream shop and we go inside and grab a couple of cone and sit outside at a table with an umbrella. I take an occasional lick of Justin’s because he got rocky road so I get the best of mine and his.

“It’s so good that you two have finally decided to be together. I was getting tired of tiptoeing around the subject.”

“Excuse me, but you weren’t here half the time. If I recall you were with Heather.”

“I could feel the sexual tension from where I was. Imagine how I felt.”

“Yeah Trace, I’m so sorry that it was so hard on you. We should learn to be less self centered and follow in your example.” I say sarcastically.

“Look, your young. I’m just glad you understand the problem. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem.”

I ball up a napkin and throw it at him. He ducks out of the way and grins. I roll my eyes and try to stop myself from cracking up over Trace. Justin hangs his arm around my neck and I relax, enjoying the feeling of it just laying there.

Trace looks up for a second and pulls his hat down over his eyes, “Justin we have company.”

Justin whirls around with me and we see two guys with cameras taking our picture. I turn back around and sigh, “Well at least this time I’m a free girl.”

Justin gets up and throws everything away before hissing, “Let’s go!”

I frown at him, “What are you talking about? They already got pictures of us.”

“We need to go home now.” He says, walking quickly away and pulling his baseball cap lower on his face as well.

“But we just got here.” Trace says, “Besides, it’s not like there not going to print what they have already shot.”

Justin doesn’t listen and Trace and I hurry to catch up to him. His legs are longer than mine, which makes his strides extraordinarily longer than mine. I go for his hand and the moment mine touches his, he pulls away in a flash.

Now I know why he’s in a hurry to get out of here. He doesn’t want to be seen with me. To have to say to the world that we are together. My whole face turns red and Trace takes my hand as we try to keep up with Justin until we reach the car. I climb into the backseat and slam the car door, deciding Trace can ride up front with Justin.

Justin doesn’t seem to know anything’s wrong as he pulls out of the parking spot and heads to the highway. I hear him breathe a sigh of relief once were going for a few minutes, “That was close.”

Neither Trace nor I say anything and Justin looks in his rearview mirror at me, “Why did you sit back there?”

“I wouldn’t want you to be seen with you.” I spit out.

He feigns innocence, “What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. You don’t want pictures of us together because you don’t want to have to say that I’m your girlfriend.”

“Emily, we’ve just started dating. I don’t want to explain anything alright?”

“That’s not it Justin and you know it. You don’t have to comment on our relationship even if they do catch us together. You’re hiding me, like I’m some sort of dirty secret.”

That’s when I realize he had no intention of ever telling anyone he was with me. He just wanted me to himself but he doesn’t want to have to give up his single status. What have I done? My heart beats in my ears and I know what I’ve done. I’ve lost it all.

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I pretend she’s not making any sense as we drive home. That she’s just pmsing or something. Trace eyes me from time to time and I know what he’s thinking, how could I ask her to leave Chad when I don’t even want to admit I’m seeing her. I’m selfish that’s why. I couldn’t stand the thought of her with him. But I can’t stand the thought of being a boyfriend again. It makes me feel claustrophobic. I want her, just at an arm’s distance away.

I stop at Em’s and she gets out of the car and slams the door shut as she runs inside. I can’t think about all of this right now. A headache sets in as I drive home, not sure how I’m going to get out of this one.

17