chapter fifteen

I caught a early flight back to Memphis after Emily came back to the hotel at around two a.m., got her things together and took off. I took a plane home and unlocked my house where my mother was waiting, her arms crossed over her chest sitting in the chair in the living room. I didn’t notice her until she cleared her throat and I whirled around, “Hey mom.”

Mom sighs, “Where have you been the last two days?”

“I thought you had to work.” I mutter.

“So you thought it would be okay to take off without telling anyone where you were going?”

“I told Trace.”

Mom throws her hands up in the air, “Well that’s great. Too bad he went to see his girlfriend so I couldn’t get in touch with him. Now, back to my original question, where were you?”

I try to think of something to say, but I relent when she stares me down, “I was in California.”

“With Emily?” Mom says, exhaustion clearly presented in her voice at the thought of me trying to be with Em while keeping her at an arms distance.

“Yes.”

“Honey, chasing Emily Haywood is not a known profession. You know I would love nothing more than to see the two of you together but apparently you’re not ready to commit, so you should leave Emily be, since I hear from her mother that she and Chad have set a wedding date.”

I clench my fists, “When did you talk to Erin?”

Mom makes herself comfortable in her chair, easing the dirty look, “Last night. Emily called her from California and told her it’s set for the twelfth.”

I shake my head in denial and plop down in the nearest chair, taking comfort in the overstuffed piece of furniture that is so familiar to me. I just look at my mom, wondering exactly what she knows about me and Em. I haven’t said a whole lot to her except that we can be in the same room together now.

“I think that maybe I was wrong to suggest a break to you. Maybe it would be more productive for you to just lay low at one of your houses.”

“No, it was a good idea. I am resting, I’m just emotionally involved now.”

“Honey, your not resting, your playing with the emotions of a girl you have known all your life because you have nothing else to do. Get a hobby and stop trying to ruin that girl’s sanity.”

“It’s not that easy mom.”

Mom gets up and comes over to me, sitting down in my lap, “It never is, but someone needs to do something before things get out of hand and hearts are broken.”

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I sit nervously on the couch in my family room as Chad’s mother Janis babbles on about her own colors for her wedding. I yes her to death with sounds of “Uh huh” and an occasional head nod. Kris sits next to me holding my hand gently. When I told her about the wedding date and the meeting my mother had insisted happen to iron out the rest of the details, she was less than thrilled. I actually thought she would be happy that Justin and I had ended it and I was ready to move forward with Chad, but no such luck. Kris knows me inside and out, expressing the idea that maybe I should take a step back and put the wedding on hold. I shrugged her off, insisting that I was ready to do this, but as I sit here listening to my mother’s friend’s babble on and on about how perfect Chad and I are together, I have the sudden urge to jump off the nearest cliff.

“And so dear, that’s why choosing pastels is always the proper thing to pick when having a wedding in the summer, but darker colors are needed for fall weddings.” Janis says, neatly folding her hands in her lap.

I give her a small smile as my mother graces us with her presence, “I’m here!”

I look forward to her visits as much as you can look forward to a tornado that blows through your life, leaving everything in shambles before it finally returns to where it came from. She sits down on the other side of as Kris lets go, “Honey, I am so thrilled that you set a date.”

“I was just telling Emily that she absolutely has to pick dark colors for her wedding since it is in November.”

“Oh you are absolutely right Janis, I insist Emily picks colors that coordinate for the season.”

I try not to roll my eyes as more women show up and makes themselves comfortable in my house. I see Kendal, Chad’s sister, picking apart Gram’s taste and she uses her fingertips to move a blanket that Gram made and dropping it on the ground, “Chad told me you two are going to look for a house somewhere in New England.”

I look over at her confused, “We haven’t discussed it. I always thought we would move to California where my work is.”

Kendal shakes her head, “Memphis is too far away for Chad to work from. He thought a place in Connecticut would be good for the two of you and he would sell this place.”

My heart catches in my throat at the thought of selling this place. Even when I decided to move I never thought of putting this house on the market, it’s Gram’s house.

“Oh that is a great idea.” Mom chimes in.

“Once we get rid of all the crap in this place I’ll give you the name of my decorator and she can come in here and fix up this place enough to sell it, though she doesn’t perform miracles.” Kendal comments.

Kris pipes up, “I don’t think Emily planned on selling this house.”

Mom flicks her hand at Kris as if to push her put the door, “Don’t be ridicules. Emily won’t care about this house once she’s married and of course Chad would need to be close to work, he’s already making enough sacrifices to be with Emily now.”

I quickly find my legs and excuse myself and mom out of the room and into the sunroom, “Mom, you cannot sell this house.” I state.

“Oh yes I can. I have the deed.”

I feel my knees start to shake, “What do you mean?”

“Your father and I bought and paid for this house when your Grandmother began to get sick. We own it now.”

I brace myself against the wall, “But it’s my home. It’s the only place I’ve ever known.”

“You’re going to be making a home with Chad, there is no reason for you to ever come back here.”

“What is so wrong with here mom? Why are you so desperate to get me out of here?” I question aloud.

“You need to get away from here, experience the world, get away from him.” Mom says, clearly annoyed.

“Who him?” I ask, pointing my finger at her.

Mom feigns ignorance, “What?”

“This is all about Justin isn’t it? Damn mom, you are going to punish me by selling this house so that I’m as far away from Justin as you can make happen.”

Mom grabs my shoulders and straitens me so I’m directly in front of her, “He is like quicksand honey. You need to stay as far away from him as you can get.”

“You know what mom? For once this isn’t about him, it’s about you and me. I will buy this house from you.”

“No you won’t. I won’t sell the house to you.”

I glare angrily at my mom and push her hands off my shoulders, “All you care about is that you’re supported for the rest of your life.”

“Honey I care about you. Why do you think I have done all of this? It’s for you.”

“No, it’s for you.”

And with that I turn and run out the door, my mom calling after me as I continue to run further from her.

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I go outside and begin to walk. I know in my heart mom is right, I can’t have my cake and eat it too, but can you blame me for trying? I have never been good at love. Friendship absolutely, but relationships are a foreign concept to me. Just when I thought I had it down, I end up getting fucked over.

Maybe the media had it right, I am a playboy. I break hearts as easily as it can be done and don’t stop to think twice about it. Commitment-phobia I think you call it. My shrink once told me that when I found the right girl, I would want to commit, but I’m not so sure. Sometimes I wonder if I am just not made that way. You would think after all I have been through that I would know how to settle down, but no such luck. I may be doomed to casual flings for the rest of my life. The only stable thing I was ever able to handle was Em, and look how well that turned out.

I look up and stare at a figure tearing down the sidewalk that has distracted me from my inner voice that was summarizing my inefficiencies. What the hell? Even though it’s dark, I can still make out the familiar figure running towards me. Em.

Emily isn’t looking where she’s going or even paying attention to who’s in her way. I watch as she gets closer and closer until she looks up, but it’s too late to stop herself from running into me. Tears are pouring down her face and she apologizes quickly for running into me. She tries to move past me and keep running but I grab her wrist, “Are you okay?”

“I can’t get married. I’m not getting married.” She cries out.

I stand there stunned for a minute before pulling her towards me and kissing her hard on the mouth. She gives in to the kiss and lets herself go. I pick her up and rub my face into the crook of her neck. Her hands grip me for dear life as we just hang on to each other. I finally realize we should get away from the sidewalk as I hear Emily’s voice being called faintly from her house. I put her feet on the ground and pull her towards my house. Thank God mom works late at night. I slam the door closed with my foot as we begin to just pull our clothes off at a pace that would make the average person dizzy. Her mouth connects to my neck as I carry her upstairs and into my bed.

Her skin is warm and I wipe away the tears and moisture from her cheeks, rubbing our noses together, “I missed you.”

“I missed you.” She whispers.

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Hours later I wake up with Emily curled up next to me. The phone rang off the hook for an hour, probably Erin knowing full well where Emily would run to. I ignored it and turned the ringer off in my room. I kiss Em’s shoulder and smile. She’s left him and she’s not going back. I gently slip the monstrosity of her finger and toss it on the floor, listening to the sound if it hit the ground with more pleasure than I probably should have felt.

Her body curls up closer to mine and I play with a strand of her hair absentmindedly as I watch a smile come over her features as she sleeps. I used to love when she would do that when we were kids. I once told her that she did it while she was sleeping and she responded that she must have been dreaming of me. I kiss her forehead as I hear someone come in the door and up the stairs. Hopefully mom will think I have just gone to bed early, though tomorrow morning is something I’m not looking foreword to. But she’s mine now, and I don’t really care who knows.

Too bad for Chad. Jackass.

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