chapter twelve

Emily and I eventually made it back to Tennessee, and here I lay in my bed without her.

Flashback-

“Okay, here you go.” I said, handing Emily her bag.

“Thanks.” she said quietly, putting it on her shoulder in front of her front door.

I look at her and at her front door, wondering what is going on.

“Listen J, now that we are back home and all, I’m still with Chad.”

“I’m not stupid Em.”I groan.

“It’s not like we can do more than hang out in public, God forbid someone else takes a picture of us together and puts two and two together that I was the girl with you in North Carolina.”

I scratch my head, but it does little to help my thought process, “So we see each other when we can steal away a minute from our lives?”

Emily shrugs, “I guess so.

” “So, I’ll see you.”

“Bye.” she whispers.

End Of Flashback-

I know she’s mad about us. Okay, maybe mad isn’t the right word, more like disappointed. What does she want from me though? We’ve been together a month and she wants me to say that were dating? Besides, she engaged to the jerk off.

I finally move from my bed and take a shower before searching in the cabinets for something actually edible. I hear the door swing open and Trace comes into the kitchen. He spins the chair around and sits in it, “Dude, you look like shit.”

“Thanks for the update.”

“Where have you been? One day you’re here and the next you’re gone for a week.”

“I went to North Carolina.”

“To the beach house? Why would you do that?”

I find a bagel and put it in the toaster, “Because I went with Emily.”

“Oh boy.” Trace gulps.

“Yeah, oh boy is right.” I admit.

“Did you two-”

I nod before Trace can finish his sentence. I watch as his eyes get wider, “Justin, she’s engaged. And you of all people, Mr. I-have-been-cheated-on-so-many-times-pity-me is going around doing the exact same thing you right songs about.”

“It’s different okay?” “How is it different?” he exclaims.

“Because she doesn’t love him and he certainly doesn’t deserve her.”

Trace looks up at me, “Does he deserve what you are doing to him now?”

________________________________________________________________________

I slept at Kristen’s last night. I just couldn’t stay in that house all by myself. I just couldn’t. Kris is almost silent this morning as she moves about her kitchen, stirring milk into her coffee.

“Kris, please talk to me.” I beg.

Kris shakes her head, “What is there to talk about Em?”

“Please, tell me what’s going through your head, I hate it when you give me the silent treatment.”

“How could you do it?”

I sigh, “I don’t know.”

“That seems to be the favorite saying of yours, “I don’t know.” Chad deserves so much better from you, especially after becoming the best thing in your life. Has he ever left you? Has he ever broken your heart? No, and yet you still found a way to cheat on him. Unbelievable.”

I know she’s right. My brain has been fighting with my heart since the day Justin walked back into town.

“I don’t love him.” I whisper.

Kris sits down and takes my hand in hers, “Emily, it’s not that I think you should stay with Chad when you don’t love him. If you really love Justin, then you should follow your heart. I makes me angry because I know what you’re doing. You are in love with Justin, but you have no intentions of telling Chad just incase Justin leaves you again, and we both know that. I f Justin leaves tomorrow, you will marry Chad, even if you are still in love with Justin.”

I try to keep from crying, “What am I going to do? I may always be in love with Justin, it doesn’t mean he has the same feelings for me. So what your saying is that even if I dumped Chad and Justin left, if I carry these feelings for Justin around with me for the next fifty years to never get involved with someone else?”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that Em.”

“How could it not? He makes me whole.” I say, holding myself.

“Em, the best thing for you to do is break away from him, he’s like poison when it comes to you.”

“No, he’s home.”

________________________________________________________________________

I get a call on my cell phone as I grab the keys to my car as Trace and I head out. I listen to the other person on the line and start to grin, “That’s perfect. Thanks for making it happen for me.”

“Who was that?” Trace asks.

“Fate.”

Trace rolls his eyes, “Great, where can I sign up for those kinds of calls because my life sucks right now.”

I laugh as we get in the car, driving over to the local meeting hall that is being set up for the annual dance. And Em helps set it up every year. I pull into the parking lot and go inside with Trace to see Kris and Em moving tables around. Trace throws me a look to behave myself as I creep up behind Em, “Need help with that?”

She jumps and turns around, her face surprised and happy all at the same time, though she tries to hide it, “Oh, hi.”

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here? I thought the dead don’t get up before noon.”

I lean over to her ear, “I don’t get out of bed before noon because you’re in the bed with me.”

Em closes her eyes and tries not to blush. She glances around the room, “Um, you can move those chairs to the tables, eight per table.”

I smirk at her and nod, following her orders and Kris refuses to make eye contact with me and Trace watches me. I put the chairs where they are supposed to be and watch Em out of the corner of my eye. She tries to concentrate, but I can tell that my presence has got her somewhat flustered. She’s so cute when she gets nervous. But then someone comes in the room and I know exactly why she’s flustered. Chad.

________________________________________________________________________

Damn it! Why did he have to show up here. I was sure he would be at home, playing video games or the other crap he does with Trace. Chad flew in this morning and surprised me with two dozen long stemmed roses. He kissed me and I thought that might lips reveal my secrets. Kristen is right, I don’t want to tell Chad about Justin unless I know J is willing to work on a relationship with me. If he leaves, I will stay with Chad. I just want someone to love me.

Justin sees Chad and I see anger flash in his eyes. He is not happy. Chad hugs me from behind and kisses my shoulder. I try not to watch Justin, but I can’t help but sneak a peak at him from time to time. Both Kris and Trace look incredibly uncomfortable and I know that Justin must have told Trace everything. Great, everyone but Chad knows that I’m cheating on him.

“What else can I do baby?” he says, looking at Justin but not mentioning him.

“You can just put those signs up over there for me and then we are done.” I say, trying to smile.

Chad goes over to do that and I feel someone pull me by the elbow and drag me into the hall. Justin braces me against the wall and makes sure no one can hear us, “What the fuck is he doing here?”

“He surprised me this morning. He apparently called Kris when he got to my house and found I wasn’t there this morning and then drove to Kris’s. What would you like me to do, tell my fiancé that he needs to leave because I’m hooking up with the superstar down the street?”

Justin lets out a shaky breath as he stares at the ring that has been put on my finger again, “Something like that.”

“Let me get this strait, you want me to tell Chad I can’t be with him because Justin Timberlake want to sleep with me?”

“It’s more than that Emily and you know that.”

“No I don’t, you refuse to talk about it. By definition, I think what were doing is called fuck buddies.”

Justin pushes away from me, “Thanks a lot Em.”

I grab his arm and pull him back, “Give me an idea of where we are heading. Give some sort of direction and I’ll tell Chad. Just tell me.” I beg.

He looks at me and says nothing. Justin tries to hug me, but I pull away and I walk back into the hall, “Okay Chad, let’s go.”

He smiles and comes over to me, wrapping an arm around my waist and walking out the door. Kris grabs her purse and catches up with us, catching my hand and giving it a squeeze. I turn around once and only once for a quick glance at Justin, who just stares at us as we get in the car.

________________________________________________________________________

I can’t believe she just did that. Trace can see I’m fuming and takes the keys from my hand as I walk outside. I don’t protest as he does and I walk over to the passengers side, getting in.

“What did you think was going to happen J? He loves her, of course he’s going to be with her sometimes until you or Em decides to tell him what’s going on.”

I drum my fingers on the car door, “I thought she would come back to me. She would tell Chad and come back to me.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to be your call girl, maybe she wants you to make a first move, did you even think of that? It’s your commitment phobia getting in the way, not Chad.”

I ignore Chad as I call a old friend, “Hi, it’s me, could you be here tonight? I really need you.”

Trace sighs and keeps driving. He knows what I’m doing, but there is nothing anyone can do to stop me.

_______________________________________________________________________

I pull on pink dress, since it is a lover’s dance and put on my necklace in the mirror. I see Chad come in the room and help me hook the necklace together, “You look so beautiful.”

“Thanks.” I blush.

“You and I are going to have a great time tonight. You did such a great job decorating the place.”

I finger the engagement ring that I have put back on my ring finger, like I do whenever Chad comes to visit. It’s a wonder with all the times he’s surprised me I’m able to get it on my finger quick enough, “Thanks for helping, I really appreciate it.”

“No problem.” He says, putting on his jacket.

“I forgot to tell you, I have to fly out to California in two days for another store opening.”

“That’s fine. I have to leave tomorrow morning anyway.”

I nod and pull on my own jacket, getting into the car. All I have been able to think about all day is Justin. He doesn’t care about me. If he did, he would have at least said something. Anything. That’s all I wanted.

We pull in to the crowded parking lot and go inside. People are enjoying themselves and dancing away. I smile at the two five year olds trying to waltz. Kris comes over to me and sits down, “You look amazing.”

“Thanks, you too.”

“Look, I’m sorry if I’ve been harsh. You’re my best friend, I just want to protect you.”

I hug her, “You’re right. I just can’t seem to quit him.”

“Justin does care about you though. He wouldn’t come around if he didn’t.”

I smile a little, “Maybe.”

“Just make a decision, okay?”

“I am. It’s not fair to Chad or Justin if I don’t end it with Chad.”

Kris starts to smile but gasps as she looks up. I follow her gaze to the door where Justin stands. With Cameron.

I immediately run into the bathroom with Kris on my heels, catching my breath as I sink to the floor. Kris locks the door behind us and bends down next to me, “You alright?”

I shake my head no, “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Honey, he’s probably just friends with her.”

I can’t think anymore, “I’m choosing Chad.”

“What?” Kris asks.

“I’m done with Justin. I choose Chad.”

“Are you sure Em.”

“I’m sure. Go on, I’ll be out in a minute.”

I watch Kris leave and I try to wipe the tears away from my face. No more.

13