chapter ten

Justin and I left for the beach house in South Carolina. Chad hasn’t called me and I don’t know why. Normally he calls be right after I leave a message, but he has yet to call. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him when he does call. I can’t really think that far ahead, I can only focus on what’s going on now. Justin.

I stir from Justin’s chest, wrapping a sheet around my body when I hear Abbey whining to go out. I let her out and she happily comes back after she’s done. I put down some food down on the floor for her and I go back into the bedroom, climbing back onto the pillow top and lying down next to him. I finger the ring around my neck slowly, wondering what the hell I’ve done. The problem is that I never feel the same as when I’m with Justin. It’s like I’m not whole when I’m not with him. And that’s the scariest thing of all, because I remember what this felt like. And addiction, one I’m not strong enough to quit.

Justin wakes up and rolls over to me, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face into my neck. I move onto my back and he kisses me, “Morning.”

“Morning.”

“Where did you go? I felt you get up from the bed.”

I let him rub circles on my stomach, “I had to let Abbey out and feed her.”

He nods, “I thought maybe we could go out and walk around the town a little bit.”

I look at Justin and back down at his hand, “Sounds like fun.”

“There is a carousel in the middle of the square in town, we can go take a ride.”

I don’t say anything and get up from the bed, “I’m going to take a shower.”

“I’ll take one with you.” He says, following me into the bathroom.

I lean against his body in the shower, letting the water run down my body. Justin’s arm encircle me and I get lost in him. He kisses my forehead, “You okay?”

“I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

Justin smirks, “I guess I wore you out last night.”

I give him the evil eye, rubbing shampoo into my hair and rinsing myself off. I turn off the nozzle to the shower and step out. Justin hands me a towel and grabs one for himself. He wraps his around his waist and starts to shave. I leave the bathroom while he does and open my suitcase to grab some clothes to wear. My phone starts to ring and I flip it open, “Hello?”

“Where are you?” Chad asks, concern coming through his voice.

I throw my head back, “Um, I’m in California. What’s the matter?”

“I flew all the way to Tennessee when I got your message. I’m standing in your house right.” Fuck. Why me?

“Chad, I didn’t know you were coming so I flew out to California on business.”

“Don’t you check your messages?”

“Of course, you didn’t leave me a message. I made sure to check before I left.” I reply, puzzled.

“I left you a message saying I was coming to see you. You sounded horrible on the phone and I was worried about you.”

I sink down next to the bed. I feel pain shoot through my heart, “I’m so sorry Chad. I just needed to get out of there for a while.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t at the funeral Em.”

“It’s fine. There are worse things people could do.”

Way worse.

“I was just worried. I’ll fly back to New York, don’t worry about it. When are you coming back home?”

I bite my bottom lip, “I don’t know. When I feel up to going back I guess.”

“Listen, when you come back, call me and I’ll come and see you.”

I hold back tears, “Alright Chad, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye sweetheart, I love you.”

“Love you too, bye.” I say shakily.

I slam the phone closed and run my fingers through my wet hair. Justin must have finished in the bathroom because when I turn around he’s standing in the doorway, “Who was it?” his face stone cold.

I stare at him for a minute, “Chad called telling me he is in Tennessee, he came to see me today.” I say, putting my head in my hands.

His eyes scan mine for a reaction and I quickly suck up my tears, “And?”

“And nothing. I shouldn’t be here.” I reply, digging in my purse for some advil. I violently throw things out of my purse in the pursuit of the magic pills that will cure everything as he comes over to me.

Justin bends down and sits next to me, “Em, we belong together. Just trust me.”

I move my head to his shoulder, “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.”

Justin hugs me to him, “You’re doing me.”

“Funny, really funny.” I remark.

“Let’s go out, forget about everything for a while. Just you and me, the way it always was.”

Forget about everything. I feel like that’s all I do with him, forget about everything else. He’s my drug.

“Okay, let’s go.”

“Good.” Justin says, kissing my head as we pull on some clothes.

The two of us and Abbey get in the car and head into town. Apparently the carousel doesn’t officially open until next week, but Justin pulled some strings and got them to allow us to take a ride. I lean my head against the window pane and watch the ocean from the car. Chad and I usually spend our summers in Rhode Island on the shore. Ironic that I never thought about Chad until now, when I cheating on him with Justin.

I just don’t know whether I love Chad or not, but I know that I’m enthralled with Justin. And it’s not a good thing. But love, that’s a completely different story.

Justin parks the car and Abbey and I get out of the car and walk over to the carousel. The man walks out from behind a gate and opens it for us, “Come right this way.”

We follow the man as he puts a key in the control box and the music starts to play as the carousel lights flash.

“Come on, you can pick your favorite horse.”

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Emily walks around, eyeing each mechanical horse before choosing and white one with a pink mane. I hope on behind her as I give the man the ok and the machine starts to spin. Emily smiles for the first time in what feels like decades since we arrived here and lets her blonde hair blow in the wind as she pulls it out of her usually pony tail.

I lean over to her ear, “Having fun?”

Em laughs, “Yeah, I forgot what it’s like to feel like a kid.”

I smile and watch her enjoy the ride. The carousel eventually comes to a stop and we get off. Abbey greets us at the gate, happy that were back.

“Why don’t we look around? I could use a few pieces of clothing, since we packed in a hurry.”

“Okay.”

I intertwine our hands and we walk down the street. I pull some sunglasses out of my pocket and a baseball cap. Em looks at me and starts to giggle, “What’s so funny?”

“When you try to disguise yourself you really go all out huh? Boy, I bet you’re the only one to think of sunglasses and a hat.”

I look at her for a minute before grabbing at her and spinning her around, “Funny Em.”

She just shakes her head and leans against me. We walk into one of the shops and Emily picks up a pair of sunglasses, turning to me, “Do I look as cool as you?”

If that’s the way she wants to play, let the games begin, “No, your nose is a little big for them.”

“Really? Well your ego is too big for your head.”

“That’s a little old Em, you need to come up with something a little more original.” I mock, grabbing a shirt of a rack.

I watch Emily fume as I go into the dressing room. Now I’ve got her. She won’t let this die until she gets the last word. I pull off my shirt as I pick up the one I’m contemplating buying when the door to the dressing room opens and Emily comes in and crushes her lips against mine. I’m startled but I quickly get over it as she rubs me through my jeans, “Emily, what are you doing? How the fuck did you get in here, I locked the door.” I manage to say through gritted teeth.

She chuckles and shows me a thin silver piece of metal, “I popped the lock. Why? Do you have a problem with any of this?” she says, slowly unbuttoning the first few buttons on her shirt.

I shake my head no and go back to kissing her, my hand reveling in the skin she’s showing with every button she undoes. She cups me firmly and moans, causing me to gasp. Then she let’s go. I snap to attention after a moment to see her fully buttoned now and turning the handle to the door, “Em!” I say in shock.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I have to go reduce the size of my nose now, but come see me after the surgery.”

She gives me a evil smile and closes the door. Of all the things she had to do to me, this is the worst. Then it occurs to me, she has me by the balls, literally and figuratively. I sigh in frustration and grab a few shirts I want. Thankfully the shirt I’m wearing is baggier and able to conceal “it.” I open the dressing room door and see Emily leaning against the wall, her arms crossed over her body and grinning. Damn her and her adorable smile. I walk over to her and just stare at her playfully. She takes the clothes from my arm and brushes up against me, moving to the cash register.

“I’m paying for my stuff.” I say.

“Do you have cash on you?” Emily asks.

“No… why?”

Emily shakes her head, “You want that nice lady at the cash register to put your credit card through and have it come up Mr. Timberlake?”

Okay, maybe she’s right.

“Well I’ll pay you back for the stuff.” I insist.

Emily turns around, “I have money Justin, I don’t need yours.”

I watch her pay and come over to me, handing me a bag. I wrap my arm around her and we walk out of the store, “We should get some groceries for the house, we were lucky there was any food in the house this morning.”

Emily nods and we go into the grocery store adjacent from us. That’s what’s nice about this part of North Carolina, everything accessible because of all the tourists that come here. I push the cart as Em puts some things in the cart. I occasionally hit her in the butt with the cart, enjoying the exasperated looks I’m getting from her. That’s right, payback is a bitch, but the real payback will come later, in bed.

“Justin, if you don’t stop hitting me with that damn cart, I’m really going to get you later. If you thought what I did in the dressing room was evil, you just wait.”

I smirk, “Okay, okay. What do you want fir dinner?”

“Does the house have a grill?”

“Yeah, you want to do hamburgers and hotdogs?”

Emily doesn’t say anything, instead puts hamburger and hot dog rolls in the cart. I grab some chips, wine and some other food that we might need for the week. Emily and I wheel the cart to the checkout and the guy there rings up the items as I glance at the magazines. Thankfully I’m not in the headlines today, only blurbs in the midst of the dirt.

Em pays the guy and we bring our groceries out and load them in the back of the car. I close the trunk and Emily puts the cart back when I hear snapping. I spin around and some asshole is taking our picture. Oh Shit.

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I look at what Justin’s looking at since his face is white. Oh shit. A guy is sitting in his car, taking pictures of us. I nearly die as I get in the car as quickly as I can. Justin gets in and starts the car, squealing the tires as we pull out if the parking lot. The guy tries to follow us, but Justin is too quick and looses him.

“Justin, what if they print those pictures and Chad sees?” I ask breathlessly.

Justin looks at me, “I don’t know Em, I don’t know.”

I see my life pass before my eyes and I hang my head. I’m fucked, it’s all over.

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A few hours later I’m lying with Justin naked on the couch. Not because it’s sexual, but because it’s when I feel closest to him. No boundaries, no projected images, just us. My head is on his chest and I listen to his heart beat. I don’t know what I’m going to do now. First I lose Gram, now I’m going to lose Chad. I can’t believe I was so stupid. Of course someone was going to get a picture. Now I’m just going to play the waiting game of when to tell him.

I look up at Justin, who has fallen asleep. What is going to happen to us? I’m so fucked.

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