chapter seven

I search through the grocery bags until I find the package I’m looking for. I hold the box carefully and read the directions on the back. In all the time I’ve been excited about something, it has never been found at a drug store for six dollars and twenty cents. Beth comes in the kitchen and pulls out a box of popsicles, opening one and putting the package in the fridge, “Hey baby.”

She pulls her hair down from it’s ponytail and her barely there curls fall down in ripples down her back as she puts the food away in it’s designated place. I anxiously hand her the box, “Why don’t you just take a test?”

Beth sighs and takes the popsicle out of her mouth, “It’s only been two weeks Justin.”

“I know, but for all we know you’re pregnant now,” I say, opening the package for her and handing her a stick. Normally this kind of thing would disgust me but I have gotten over it in favor of a baby.

She reluctantly takes the object from my hand looking at it as though it might bite her at any moment, “I don’t have to use the bathroom.”

I hold up one finger and return from the brown bags with a water bottle, “Drink up.”

“Justin,” she whines, taking the bottle and sipping it.

“Just one test and I’ll stop asking until next month.”

She looks up at me, “Promise?”

“Promise.”

Beth nods and pads off to the bathroom. I try to keep a cool outer appearance as though to give off a “this test doesn’t matter,” but in reality I’m waiting on pins and needles. I hear the toilet flush after a few minutes and I wait outside the door as she comes out. Beth casually hands me the test that reads negative and I do my best to keep a poker face, “That’s alright. It’s probably better anyway since our parents are going to be here tonight we could give them the good news.”

She frowns at me, “You want to tell them tonight?”

“Yeah, I assumed that we would tell them tonight. Why, do you think we should surprise them when you’re pregnant?”

Beth shifts from one foot to the other, “I guess it really doesn’t matter when you put it that way.”

“Put it what way?”

She shakes her head, “Nothing, I just wasn’t thinking. That’s fine.”

I toss the test in the garbage and jam it in so I don’t have to look at it, “I was thinking we could have swordfish tonight.”

“I don’t care, you can make what you feel. I’m just going to go out for a run alright?”

I lean over and kiss her, “Alright. When you get back I’ll start dinner.”

She pulls on her running shoes and heads out the door. I stand still for a moment before bagging up the half full garbage and taking it outside, away from me and the disappointment.

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I go inside the hole in the wall music store I found ages ago and pull the hood off my head. I know lying isn’t a good thing to do, nor have I ever lied to him. Not since we started seeing each other did I ever lie to him. But I just wanted some peace, away from the pressure that just builds every day. And besides, this is his genre and would name off the list of things he wanted be to listen to when I just want to pick out my own. My own. I walk up and down the isles slowly as I try to figure out what I’m looking for. I pick up the Sex Pistols and smile as I hold the album in my hand.

“One of the best bands ever.”

I drop the cd and spin around to see the kid who runs the cash register standing behind me. I sink to my knees nervously and pick it up, “What?”

He taps the cd, “The Sex Pistols. Awesome band. You have to be the second person in the last three years I have worked here to pick it up. Most people are only interested on the crap on the radio today. Gwen Stefani and shit.”

I chuckle a little, “They are such a classic. It’s too bad people aren’t embracing it still.”

He brushes his straggling hair from his eyes, “You must be pissed off.”

I frown, “Excuse me?”

“If you’re looking for the Sex Pistols you must be pissed off.”

I lick my lips and ignore the question, “I wanted something on vinyl.”

The kid’s eyes light up, “Oh you’re a pure fan.”

Pure. I wish that word could be used more often in life. If I recall the definition of that word in not tainted, “I want something at it’s origin, but I’m not really sure what I want,” I admit, setting the cd back in it’s place.

“Follow me,” he says, leading me towards the back of the store. He takes me to the back room which is covered with vinyl albums. Although I own most of the cd’s, there is something about vinyl albums that cannot be reproduced. I finger some of the album covers as the famous artwork and photos bounce off the covers.

“So what have you been feeling lately?”

I hesitate, I can’t tell Justin how I’m feeling yet I feel a kind of safe to tell this kid who’s no more than eighteen, “Um… I guess a little frustrated.”

He nods, his hands skimming the albums, “Frustrated and angry or frustrated and sad?”

I watch his system of deciding on what to pick out, “Frustrated and angry.”

He pulls an album out from the wall, “The Clash, London Calling.”

I grin as he hands it to me, “It’s like you were reading my mind without me even having the slightest idea what I was looking for.”

“It’s a gift. My name is Will by the way.”

I shake his hand, “Bethany.”

He smirks, “I know.”

I remove my hand quickly from his but he backs up, “I mean I know your face. It’s on every magazine no matter where you go. I’m not a rabid fan or anything though; I’m into the classics only.”

I nod, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“So, do you need anything else?”

I shake my head, “I think that’s all I need for today.”

I follow Will to the cash register and he rings up the album, putting it into a plastic bag and handing it to me, “It was nice to meet you Bethany.”

“You too Will,” I say, grasping my purchase in my hand.

“Don’t be a stranger,” he calls out.

I turn around and push the door open with my back, “I won’t.”

________________________________________________________________________

I run around the kitchen trying to make sure everything is cooked to perfection. This has to be the most perfect meal I have ever made to accompany our announcement tonight. My mom’s favorite happens to be swordfish and I know Nora loves seafood so that’s what I’m going to do. I keep watching the clock for Beth to come back as Gia sits at the table arranging interviews for next week. Occasionally she stands up and surveys my progress to make sure I’m not fucking everything up.

Tyson is playing on the floor with a toy car, running it up Gia’s leg every once in a while and I catch myself watching him and making mental notes as to what he likes. If we have a boy that is. His eyes light up when he looks at Gia or Derek. That’s the way I want our baby to look at us.

“So what time should we get out of here so you can get ready?” Gia asks, hanging up the phone and writing information down in her calendar.

“I’m not kicking you out G.”

She smiles, “I know, I’m just playing. What time are your mother and mother-in-law coming?”

“They will be here at five.”

Gia pulls Tyson up to her waist and carries him on her hip, “Then we are going to get out of here. Tell Beth to call me alright?”

I snap the towel at her ass, “Will do G, I’ll see you later.”

I chill a bottle of wine and put the plates on the table, nervously glancing at my watch wondering where my baby is. I set the salad in the middle of the table and place the silverware next to the plates when I hear the door shut and footsteps. I look around the corner tot see Beth, “Hey baby.”

“Hey,” she responds.

“You were gone a while.”

“Sorry. I lost track of time.”

She comes in and I look at her curiously, “After all that running I would have thought you would need a shower. You aren’t even sweaty.”

Beth bites her lip hard, “I guess I just wasn’t hot.”

I put my hand on her waist and pull her towards me, “You are very hot baby. Go get dressed, our parents will be here soon.”

She kisses my lips and heads upstairs as the doorbell rings. Showtime.

________________________________________________________________________

I sit across from my mom and Lynn as they talk about their day. They try their best to get along. I mean, they can still go at it once in a while but Lynn’s acceptance of me has caused a little give and take between the two of them. Both Justin and I have eaten very little not that the either of them have noticed. I do think the two of them have been waiting for this announcement over the years, though I’m not sure how they feel about it.

I watch Justin put down his fork and I feel the inevitable build up to the news. He clears his throat as Lynn finishes her story, “Mom, Nora, there is something we both wanted to tell you.”

Mom puts down her glass of wine and looks up, “What is it?”

Justin takes my hand in his and I feel the urge to pull away but I remain still, “Beth and I have decided to try and have a baby.”

Both Lynn and mom go silent as they look from one to the other. Lynn takes the napkin from her lap and puts it on the table, “This is a big decision. Are you sure the two of you are ready for something like this?”

Mom is staring at me but I just look to Justin to answer, “We have talked about it and we are more than ready to handle a baby.”

Lynn nods and looks to my mom who takes a deep breath, “Well if you are ready to do this, I am ready to have a grandchild.”

“Me too. If that’s what you want to do,” Lynn adds.

If that’s what we want to do. Yeah. Justin grins and my mom stands up from the table coming over to me and giving me a hug, “You are going to love being a mother.”

I just hold onto my mom tightly as she hugs me like when I was a little girl. I hold back tears feeling like I was six again. The hug ends too quickly and Lynn’s next, wrapping her arms around me.

“I am just so surprised. I guess I always knew this day would come but I’m just so happy,” mom says through her tears.

That’s four for Justin, zero for Beth. I think this is going well so far. I fear that if I say anything that I’ll end up ruining everything so I just keep quiet. Justin rubs his hands up my arms as he stands behind me, “I think the occasion calls for some champagne.”

I nod in agreement and follow them to the bar. I listen to the conversation take a turn to childhood stories about Justin and I. Breathing becomes more difficult until I can’t take it anymore. I touch Justin’s arm, “I’m just going to use the bathroom.”

I quickly move thorough the never ending house until I reach the bathroom and close the door. For some fucking stupid reason I start to laugh hysterically until the laughter turns to tears and I gasp from the pain. I press my head against the wall and just let everything come out. My throat hurts from holding back the tears for so long and exhaustion comes over me. But they are all out there waiting for me, so I wipe my tears, check myself in the mirror before heading out.

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