nineteen
Gia hangs the last of the decorations as I sit and watch. Apparently that’s all I’m able to do anymore. Not that I’m complaining, I just wish I wasn’t this big with so little energy these days. I can’t even bend down to tie my shoes without becoming out of breath.
“So how do you think that looks?”
“Fine.”
“It’s not crooked?”
I shake my head, “No, it looks fine. You can stop nitpicking now.”
She smiles, handing me Tyson, “I just want to make sure everything is perfect.”
“As long as she stays put everything will be perfect,” Justin says, putting down a tray of food.
“Where would I run to?” I laugh, showing Tyson a teddy bear. He smiles with glee as he takes the stuffed animal and hugs it.
“That is true, she more like waddles these days,” Trace smirks from across the room. I throw him a dirty look before Justin grabs him and drags him into the kitchen.
Gia sits down next to me with a relaxed sigh, “There we are.”
“It looks nice G.”
“Thanks. I tried my best.”
I rub my stomach in small circles, “It’s hard to believe we are almost at the finish line.”
“I know, one month and you are done babe. Who ever thought we would be here huh?”
“Not me at all. I could picture a lot of things for my life but this… it certainly has been a surprise.”
“Have you thought of any names yet?”
I shake my head no and she laughs, “What are you going to do? The baby will require a name on its birth certificate.”
“I will name it, I just want to look at the baby first.”
“You know, I love how you have been able to go the last few weeks without saying which gender it is. Not one slip up, I’m impressed.”
“Thank you.”
Justin comes in and grabs a sandwich, “Not one slip G and believe me, I’ve tried over and over and over again.”
“She’s trying to surprise you, I think that’s sweet.”
“It’s wonderful for dads who don’t want to know but I do so therefore I feel I should be entitled to the knowledge,” he hints.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I respond, taking the sandwich from his hand and eating the last few bites.
“Besides, I thought of my own name,” he says smugly.
“Oh yeah?”
He nods, “Bethstin.”
“Bethstin?” we say in unison.
“I thought about Justhany but it didn’t roll off the tongue as well.”
“We are not naming the baby Bethstin.”
“I think it’s a wonderful name.”
“I think you need to look through a book of names baby.”
He shrugs, “I think my idea is fine. My mom, yours, and a few girls are going to be here in a few minutes so do you want anything before Trace and I sneak off to watch the game?”
I look around for a second, “No, I’m fine.”
“Yeah, I think I can handle anything she needs. The only thing left is for you to tell me which hospital you want to have the baby in to put that down on the birth announcement that will come out.”
“I don’t want to have the baby in the hospital, I want to have it here.”
I watch as Justin stops dead in his tracks and spins back around, “What?”
“People have been doing it since the beginning of time. I’m going to get a midwife and just give birth here.”
“That would stop the media from getting to you two,” Gia points out.
“Okay, the both of you stop. Beth come on, you do not want to have the baby here.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because something might go wrong. I don’t want anything to happen to either of you,” he says, touching my face.
“That’s why I would have a midwife. They know if I can’t deliver and I would just be taken to the hospital. You don’t have to worry about me,” I say trying to reassure him.
“The practice is becoming more and more common these days,” Gia says.
Justin sits down next to me, “I want you to have the best care, at this point I’m not concerned about the media.”
“I know, I just would rather do it here. I’m comfortable here.”
He turns to Gia, “Well?”
“I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I mean it will be more painful because it’s a natural birth with no drugs but doctors say it’s better for the baby and there is less stress on the mother.”
“If you really want to do this I need Gia to go through the midwives because I don’t know about this kind of stuff,” he says, stressing out.
“Relax,” I soothe, “everything will be taken care of and go smoothly. If there is any indication that something is wrong we will go right to the hospital, I swear.”
“And I will go through the agencies, don’t worry.”
He takes a deep breath, “Okay.”
“Okay,” I say, giving him a kiss.
“I’m going to go take a pill and try and relax,” he groans, getting up.
The doorbell rings and I lean back into the couch as Gia gets up to answer the door. This is my own personal hell.
“Hey Beth, it’s for you,” Gia says as Will walks through the door.
“Will?” I ask, getting up and hugging him.
“I just came by to drop these off for the new baby,” he says, handing me a package.
“I’m sorry I haven’t dropped in, I just was trying to figure things out.”
“You don’t have to explain anything Beth. In fact, you kind of inspired me to find myself.”
I frown, “I did?”
“Yeah you did. Do you have a second?”
I nod, “Come on in.”
He sits down, “The store closed up.”
“Oh no,” I say, getting a sinking feeling.
“No, it was a good thing. I decided to go back to school for music because I thought it was about time I did something with my life.”
“That is so cool, you would be wonderful doing something in music.”
“I got into Berklee school of music. I’m going to go there and figure out what I want from school.”
I sit there stunned, “I am so happy for you.”
“Me, how about you? Congratulations.”
“Thanks, I figured out what I wanted to do to.”
________________________________________________________________________
“So you think that’s a good idea?”
“Dude, I have no idea. Women giving birth is not something I ever want to talk about or think about. This is not my thing.”
“I’m just worried about her.”
“You are always worried about her, it’s what you do best.”
“Someone has to. Beth makes the decisions concerning the baby and then I worry about what she’s decided. That’s what we do.”
“I think she probably put a good deal of her time into researching all this crap because she’s the overachiever and God forbid she do the normal thing.”
“So?”
He hands me a beer, “In one month you are going to have a baby and you will never, ever have another moment not to worry. Relax dude, there will be plenty of time to worry later.”
I smile a little, “I will won’t I?”
“Oh don’t get all paternal on me alright? I’m so not ready to talk about kids just yet.”
“But think about it man, years ago my biggest thing I was worried about was surviving to see tomorrow. Now I’m worried about raising a baby, what schools to send it to, what parenting skills I need to work on, stuff like that.”
“Hey, I never thought you would settle down let alone with your personal assistant. Do you remember the shit we put her through?”
“I try to forget about it every day,” I joke.
“I mean, your kid is going to have to grow up knowing its dad was a drug user, went into therapy, slept with hundreds of women and told Rolling Stone that its mommy had great breasts. Try and explain that to a child.”
I start to laugh, “That didn’t leak into the media so I think I can get away with that one. One less awkward conversation to have. I’m making progress already.”
“Funny.”
I take some chips out of the bag on the table and put them on my plate, taking a chip and putting it in my mouth, “I think it will be alright.”
“You guys are going to be good parents. Don’t worry about everything.”
“I hope so,” I add.
“Well the good news is, if you fuck it up Beth will be there to cover for you. Maybe that’s why they call it parenting.”
“Maybe,” I laugh, handing him a few chips.
________________________________________________________________________
The quiet sets over the house as I clean up from the baby shower. Beth cleans up the wrapping paper from the table and stuffs it into a garbage bag, “I think it went well.”
“If you mean by how many things we got for the baby, then yes, things went very well.”
Beth puts a pillow back on the couch and moves the presents to the table, “You know what I mean.”
“Yes, I do.”
“I made it through and actually enjoyed it.”
“Will wonders never cease.”
Beth stands up and ties the bag, sitting on the couch, “Are you alright?”
I nod, “I’m fine.”
“Are you upset over the homebirth?”
I turn around and put my hand out to hers, “Do you blame me?”
She pulls me onto the couch with her, wrapping my arms around her as best she can, “No, I just wish you would relax. Everything is going to be alright. This is a natural thing, it doesn’t usually require a sergeant, otherwise our generation wouldn’t be here.”
“But I want the best for you.”
“Sometimes the best is the original without all the flashy lights. I swear, I will go to the hospital if something isn’t going according to plan during the birth.”
“Alright,” I relent.
She leans her head in, “I’m really happy.”
“I’m glad. I want you to be happy.”
“I mean I thought having a baby was the worst thing to ever happen when in actuality, it’s been nice.”
“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better are you?”
She laughs, “No. Once I relaxed everything just kind of rolls off my back. No fear.”
“I wish I could say the same thing. Trace keeps telling me to relax, that I’ll have plenty of time to worry about the baby when it’s here.”
“Yes, yes you will,” Beth says emphatically.
“Yes I will as in how much fathers worry about their daughters or how much trouble and worry boys cause?”
Beth snorts, “Not going to happen.”
“I just thought I’d give it a shot.”
I reach out and take a blanket off the gift table that looks familiar, “My mom gave this to you huh?”
“Yeah, how did you know?”
“It was mine as a baby.”
Beth reaches down and holds out some cd’s, “Do you remember Will?”
“No, should I?”
“He was the guy who I used to visit at the cd store.”
“Oh right, when you lies to me,” I say, taking the cd’s from her.
She elbows me in the stomach and ignores me, “He came over and told be he got into Berkley’s college of music. He dropped these off for the baby.”
I look through them to see the whole Led Zeppelin collection and I laugh as I see every NSYNC album we ever did. Beth taps the cover with her nail, “He thought the baby should know where it came from.”
“Yes it should.”
“I’m excited for this baby.”
“Not more than I am.”
She takes the cd’s, “Nice hair.”
“Oh don’t start.”
“No, I mean the blonde thing was really working for you.”
“It’s not funny.”
“Do you get into a fight with the container of bleach and lose?”
“You’re dead,” I say, kissing her on the neck.
“I’m always right baby. I’m always right.”
20