eighteen
My heart thumps in my chest in my chest as I wait to go on. It’s the only award show that I’ve been to since we have known each other that we haven’t gone to together. Even presenting an award without her in the audience is weird. I stretch a little, waiting to go on. Trace comes over to me and hands me a water bottle, “You okay man?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, taking the water gratefully.
“You think she got your message?”
I put the bottle down beside me, “I really don’t want to talk about that okay?”
“Sure man,” he says, patting my back.
“You’re up in two minutes,” someone with a headset on yells at me over the music.
Celebrities are everywhere, the one brand of people that don’t try to get your autograph. Trace hits my arm, “Is that Cameron?”
I turn around to see Cam talking to some blonde, “She’s here tonight to?”
“I didn’t get the memo,” a voice belonging to Gia says.
“It doesn’t matter. We were together so long ago that I’m sure people don’t bother to think about the two of us being at the same shows.”
Gia points, “Do you recognize that girl she’s talking to?”
I squint over there but her back is to me, “I can’t tell. Why, who do you think it is?”
Trace looks over as well and before Gia can say anything, the blonde turns around, “It’s Lexi!” he exclaims.
She takes Cameron’s stuff and talks to someone over her own headset. Gia looks at me, “Are you going to go over and say something?”
“What am I going to say?”
I see as Cameron glances over and is surprised to see me for a minute before walking this way. Lexi turns with a look of sheer panic as she follows behind Cam like a puppy. She comes over and hugs me gently, “Well look who it is.”
I watch as Lexi stands a few feet back, “Hi Cam.”
“How have you been?” she asks, pulling away.
“Fine.”
“I heard you’re going to be a dad. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
Someone pops their head in, “Justin, you’re on.”
Cameron smiles, “Why don’t you meet me in my dressing room later. I have something to give to you.”
Gia tries to intervene but I hold her back, “Sure.”
“Now Justin!”
I smile hard, “Got it,” I say, walking onto the stage to introduce the nominees for best video.
________________________________________________________________________
I knock on the door marked with Cameron’s name. She opens the door and smiles, “Hey, come on in.”
I walk through the door and am greeted by the smell of fresh flowers, “So you wanted to see me?”
“Yes,” she says, shifting some things in the corner, “this is for you.”
I take the package from her hands, “What is this?”
“A baby gift,” she says, looking surprised that I would even ask the question.
“You got me a baby gift?”
She laughs, “I got the baby a baby gift. I don’t think you have any use for the things in that box.”
I sit down, staring at the package, “But you hate me.”
Cameron stops adjusting the necklace on her chest, “I don’t hate you.”
“The whole time we were together, I mean you totally fucked me over.”
She turns around, bracing her hands against the makeup counter, “Look I’m sorry for what we went through when we were together but I thought we had moved past all that.”
“But you hate Beth,” I reiterate, wondering what world I stumbled into.
“I don’t hate Bethany.”
“Well you sure put on a good act then.”
She drags the chair over to me, sitting down, “I never hated Bethany, I hated you for feeling what you did for her. I was your girlfriend of two years and then she came in.”
“But I was still dating you, it’s not like I cheated on you or anything.”
“I saw the way you looked at her. You were in love with her that day we dropped you off at rehab.”
“No I wasn’t,” I reply, trying to remember that far back. It feels like a lifetime ago that all happened.
“You may not have known it but you were. She knew more about you in two weeks than I knew about you in two years. I saw the way you looked at her, you never looked at me that way. And I am sorry about the drinking after rehab, I didn’t realize your problem was so severe.”
I sit there stunned as she smiles softly, “We wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I’m happy for you Justin, she’s good for you. You guys really seems to be perfect for each other.”
If she only knew, “What makes you think that?”
“Do you love her?”
“Yes,” I reply firmly.
“More than yourself?”
“Yes.”
“Then you guys are meant to be together. If I ever find someone I love more than myself I don’t plan on letting them go.”
I stand up, holding the box, “Thanks Cam.”
She leans in, giving me a hug, “Take care of yourself.”
I start to go out and pause, “Hey, you know that new assistant you have?”
“Lexi? She worked with Bethany for a while right?”
“Yeah, I just wanted to tell you she’s not very trustworthy. Don’t tell her anything important.”
“She came with a recommendation from you guys, that’s why my team hired her.”
“That wasn’t thought through, we didn’t really realize what she had done until after she left.”
Cam comes over to the door, “Thanks for the tip, she’s not really working out anyway. She can’t seem to remember much.”
“No problem. See you later Cam.”
“Don’t be a stranger Justin.”
“Bye.”
________________________________________________________________________
I sit anxiously in the back seat of the cab. After spending the night in the terminal waiting for a flight I had to catch the plane and then a cab. I have yet to really sleep and all the chocolate in the world isn’t helping. The man finally pulls up at the driveway and I hand him his money, “Thanks.”
“No problem,” he says, taking the money.
I pull my suitcase out of the trunk and wheel it up the driveway. I open the door and set my stuff down, “Justin?” I call out.
Trace comes down the stairs, “Beth?”
I go halfway up, hugging him, “Hey where’s Justin?”
He pulls away, “Did you sleep with him?”
“What?”
“Jake, did you sleep with him?”
I smile, “Do you really think I could cheat on Justin?”
Trace stares at me before moving aside, “Good to have you home Beth.”
I kiss him on the cheek, “Where is he?”
“Spare room. You have some explaining to do.”
“I know,” I say, climbing the stairs. I walk down the hall to the spare room and walk in. I see Justin sleeping in the rocking chair as the room has magically been transformed into the perfect baby’s room.
“Oh my gosh,” I whisper, looking around at all the work he did in the week I was gone.
Justin stirs in the chair as the door squeaks a little when I close it. He opens his eyes and jerks awake when he sees me, “You came home.”
I walk over to him, climbing into his lap, “I missed you.”
He doesn’t kiss me or hug me, instead just staying still, “Are you I love with him?”
I shake my head, “No.”
“Are you seeing him?”
“No.”
“So then what is going on?”
“It’s a long story.”
“I like long stories.”
My fingers go over his skin lightly, “I was afraid. I was protecting the baby from you.”
“As far as excuses go that has to be the crapiest.”
“I was nervous and felt pushed to have this baby so when you said that you hadn’t told me about the drugs, I went off on you because I thought if you could hide something from me for that long, what else could you be hiding.”
“I wasn’t trying to hide it from you, I was embarrassed.”
My head hits his shoulder, “I know that, that’s why I’m sorry about telling Trace.”
“What about Jake?”
“He called my a few weeks ago, right about the time everything started to unravel and I didn’t tell you because I was mad. I’m sorry.”
“But I still don’t understand why you were protecting the baby from me. What does this even have to do with the baby?”
“Because if I could found out how mad you would get at me now, I would know what you would be like if you got mad at the baby.”
He sighs, “I’m trying my best Beth.”
“I know and I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out. I’m tired of letting fear dictate what I do. I love you and I love this baby. I don’t want you to think that there is any rhyme or reason to what I did but I do hope you realize that it had very little to do with you.”
Justin lets his hand go up, tugging on a strand of my hair, “I understand you didn’t have the easiest childhood but just because that happened to you doesn’t mean I’m going to do it to this baby. I love you.”
“I love you more.”
“I doubt that,” he says, leaning in and placing a kiss on my lips. He relaxes and I lean against him as he wraps his arms around me, barely able to do so anymore.
“You really did all of this? The company said they would send someone out to out it together.”
He looks around the room himself, “Yeah, I know but I decided to do it myself. I figured I would get it ready for you while you were off finding yourself.”
“I really do miss my mom, it wasn’t just me running away.”
“We can go see her more often if you want, you just have to say something. Anything. I can’t read your mind.”
“I get that now.”
“Good. I forgive you."
"How can you do that so easily?"
"Because I know that no matter what, we love each other. I'm not giving up on us that easily. I forgive you."
His statement touches me and I grab my purse, opening it up, pulling out the black and white photo, “Here you go.”
He takes it from my hand, “Is this the ultrasound photo?”
I nod, “That’s our baby.”
“It’s beautiful,” he says, admiring the photo, “So what are we having?”
“I’m not telling.”
“What!” he exclaims, “You’re still mad at me?”
“No, I just want you to be surprised.”
He laughs, “Do you have any idea how badly I want to know what the sex is?”
I nod devilishly, “I know. You’re just going to have to wait.”
“Oh come on,” he says, tickling me.
“Not going to happen.”
“How about a hint?”
I stand up, backing out of the room, “Nope, and there is nothing you can do about it.”
He stands up and comes after me, picking me up, “Tell me.”
“You are just going to have to wait the remaining three months.”
“You are evil.”
“I’m in love.”
He puts me down on the floor, “I forgot to tell you, Cameron sent you a gift and my mom wants to throw you a baby shower next month.”
“Cameron sent me a gift? As in your ex girlfriend? Are you trying to get back at me for something?”
Justin hands me a package that I missed somehow on my way up, “No, she wished you the best.”
“Again, your ex girlfriend?”
“We talked a little at the award show and she actually seemed sincere. I’ll tell you the rest later. Now, about the shower, mom wants to throw it.”
I groan, “I hate baby showers.”
“That’s nice,” he laughs, handing me an invitation.
“Are you going to be there?”
Justin gives me a ridiculous look, “Generally those things are for girls if I’m not mistaken.”
“Please?”
“You really need me there?”
“I wouldn’t ask you otherwise.”
He takes the invitation, “Sure, I’ll stay.”
“Thanks,” I say shutting the light off in the baby’s new room. He takes my hand and I know things are going to be okay from now on.
19