fifteen

“Thanks for coming to see me,” he says, standing up as I sit down.

I brush my hair from my eyes, “I had no choice, I don’t want you coming around the house.”

Jake hands me a cup of coffee, “You still like it with caramel right?”

I take the cup and set it down by me, “Why are you bothering me now? It’s been years since I’ve seen you and suddenly you’re back in my life, trying to break up what I have.”

Jake breaks off a piece of the muffin and pushes the plate my way, “Because I’m finally done traveling around. I bought a house in LA and I’m here for good. I just thought I would look you up since we hadn’t seen each other in a while.”

“There is a reason for that,” I respond, reluctantly taking a bite of his muffin because I’m starving. Leaving the house without eating breakfast these days is not a good idea considering everything.

“Remind me what that is again?”

I stare at him, “Justin. You know, that superstar I’m with?”

“Oh, right.”

I wipe my mouth with the corner of the napkin, “This isn’t news. It was a fact four years ago and it was as true then as it is now. Nothing has changed between Justin and me.”

“Yeah, but you would think that after all those years together you would have tied the knot.”

I spin the plate around in a circle, “We decided together that we didn’t want the media mess associated with a big wedding,” I say, holding up my finger to show off my rings.

“You could have had a small one.”

“We just decided not to alright?”

Jake licks his lips, “I was just saying that if someone really loved you that much, they would have wanted to marry you.”

“I didn’t come here to justify my relationship to you, I came here to tell you goodbye.”

“Come on, we can’t be friends?”

I laugh, “Didn’t we already try that one? Oh right, that was right before you tried to sleep with me. We were wonderful as friends.”

“I’m more mature now,” he says, drumming his fingers on the table.

“Then why are you here bothering me. It’s been years. I don’t even now how you got my number.”

“I have my ways.”

I hate the way he looks at me, “Well don’t,” I say, standing up.

“Beth, come on. Please can’t you just relax around me?”

I turn around, “No, I can’t. Not now, not ever.”

________________________________________________________________________

My body leans against the entryway to the kitchen. I still haven’t cleaned up the glass from where he slammed the plate down. He scared the crap out of me. It’s not like Justin hasn’t done that to me before, the whole almost over dosing was a hot one, but it’s the first time he’s really let his anger go.

I check my watch and finally realize he probably won’t be here. It’s my first doctor’s appointment for the baby. I’m getting the first ultrasound and everything. The doorbell rings and I open it to see Lynn, “Hey honey.”

“Hi,” I say, hugging her.

Her hand immediately goes to my stomach, a thing I’m still not accustomed to, “How are you sweetheart? You look good.”

“I’m fine, the dogs are inside.”

Lynn claps her hands, “Rosy, Bella come on. Come to momma.”

The two dogs round the corner and come charging, almost bowling me over. Lynn bends down and pets the dogs, “Thanks for taking care of them for me.”

“It wasn’t a problem. They were very well behaved.”

“Where’s Justin?” she asks, standing up and wiping her hands on her jeans from the stray hair that came off the dogs.

I feel my cheeks burn, “He went out for a little while.”

“Aww, I was hoping to talk to him about a baby shower for you.”

“That’s really not necessary, for crying out loud I have everything I could ever want.”

She rubs my head lightly, “Sweetheart, this is my first grandchild and I want to spoil him or her as much as possible.”

I manage to smile, “You will be a great grandmother. You really don’t need to throw me a baby shower to prove that. Trust me.”

She rubs my arm, “This is my thing for you. I know we had kind of a rocky start when you first started dating Justin. Let me do this for you.”

I sigh, grateful that’s she’s embracing me but really uncertain about a baby shower, “Only if you want to.”

Lynn smiles, “Then I’ll plan it. Tell Justin I stopped by.”

“Will do, “ I say, kissing her on the cheek and waiting until she’s out of the driveway to grab my purse and head out to the doctor’s office. It takes about fifteen minutes of driving and ten minutes of waiting before the doctor finally comes in. I sit up and shake the outstretched hand, “I’m Bethany.”

“I’m Dr. Wallington, nice to meet you,” he says, shaking my hand.

“How have you been feeling lately?”

I shrug, “Fine so far. A little morning sickness in the beginning but now I’m fine.”

He scans the clipboard in his hand, “You’re weight is alright, though I would suggest trying to put on a few more pounds.”

“Am I doing something wrong?” I ask, slightly alarmed.

“No, it’s just your first baby. You’ll get the hang of it, don’t worry. Just eat when you are hungry and you’ll be fine.”

“So this won’t cause me to miscarry?”

“No, not at all. You are pretty far along anyway. Five months means you have a good chance of carrying to full term.”

I breathe a sigh of relief, “Good.”

“It says in your medical records that you miscarried before. Your chances of having it happen again at this point is rare. It’s normally within the first month or so.”

“That makes me feel a little better,” I say, becoming nervous as he takes out some instruments as he examines me.

“I have to ask, is the father going to be involved?”

“Yes, he just had a prior commitment,” I lie, hoping that’s all it is.

“Okay, that the last of the questions. Just lay back and we’ll get a look at this baby.”

I ease myself back and the doctor pulls up my shirt, putting some cold cream on my stomach before placing a monitor on my skin, searching around my womb, “Alright, let’s see what we have here.”

I feel the urge to reach out to Justin and grab his hand but of course I have to remind myself that he isn’t here. I see a graphic of a baby on the screen and hold my breath, “There it is, a healthy baby.”

I never believed in love at first sight but after this, I realize that is it possible, “So can you tell me whether it’s a boy or a girl at this point?”

The doctor nods, “Yes, do you want to know?”

I pause for a moment but nod my head, “Yeah, I want to know.”

________________________________________________________________________

I pick up the glass in the kitchen carefully, trying to watch where I step. I keep watching the clock knowing exactly what I’m missing. I hate myself for doing it but the stubborn ass part of me won’t give in.

I wonder what time she’ll be back. It’s the baby’s first ultrasound and I’m missing it. My first and possibly only baby and I’m missing it. Then again, I want Beth to know I’m pissed, in case that the smashing of the plate wasn’t clear enough.

Mom must have come by and taken the dogs because their missing from the house and I’m betting that Beth didn’t drag them to the doctor’s appointment.

A sound of a purse dropping onto the table causes me to turn around and see Beth, “Hi.”

She doesn’t even look up at me, instead goes right upstairs. I follow her quickly up the stairs and wait. She just brushes her hair and pulls on a sweatshirt. I cock my head to the side, “How was the doctor’s?”

“Fine.”

“How is the baby?”

“Fine.”

“Can I have a little more than that?”

“Maybe you should have been there,” she mutters, throwing clothes into a suitcase.

I move over and start taking things out, “And what did you find out?”

“I found out what the sex is.”

My hands stop what their doing, “Really?”

“Yep,” she says, slapping my hands away and putting the clothes back in.

I watch in confusion, “And?”

“And what?”

“What are we having?”

“You would have known had you been there.”

I stand there in shock, “Are you kidding? You’re not going to tell me?”

She shakes her head, “Nope.”

“What are you doing?” I ask, taking the suitcase from her.

“I’m going to go to my mom’s.”

I sigh loudly, “I can’t keep following you Beth. If you want me you need to stay here.”

She pushes her hair back from her face, “I don’t want you to follow me, I just want to see my mom. End of story.”

“So you’re just going to leave me? I don’t understand.”

Her eyes don’t even bother to meet mine, “You never do.”

I go to protest but she interrupts me, “I’ll be back in a little while.”

“Like when?” I ask, grabbing onto her arm.

“I don’t know right now. Whenever I feel I’ve spent enough time with my mom.”

I bend down to look at her, “Are you leaving me?”

She pulls away and shuts the suitcase, “I’m not leaving you, I just need a break to sort things through.”

“I thought that’s what you did last time you left. We were fine after we talked at your mom’s.”

Beth pulls the suitcase off the bed onto the floor, “I thought so too. At least I did before I found out you were lying to me.”

I am so tired of this argument it’s not even funny, “Beth.”

“No, you need to let me do this. When I feel better I’ll come home.”

“Are you sick?” I ask, immediately worried.

“Just home sick,” she says, wheeling the suitcase around and leaving the room.

I follow closely behind her, talking a mile a minute trying to understand why she’s leaving as my emotions are torn between wanting to hold her against me and slamming the door behind her.

I walk out the door as Beth quickens her pace to see Trace at the end of the driveway arguing with some guy. As we get closer I see Beth stop short and I squint at the guy. And then I realize who the guy is. Trace uses his arm to block him from moving closer but Jake is too big for Trace to keep back.

Beth looks back at me for a minute, looking like she’s not quite sure what to do before moving foreword once again, “Hey Jake can you give me a ride to the airport? I don’t want to leave my car there.”

She doesn’t look surprised to see him as opposed to me, whose jaw is on the pavement.

“Beth what is going on?” I call after her but she doesn’t look at me. If fact, the only person who does is Jake. That’s when a sinking feeling comes over me. She’s not surprised to see him. That must mean she’s seen him before today. And she never told me. I watch in shock as he puts her suitcase in the car and she gets in, putting her seatbelt on.

“Dude, what the hell?” Trace yells, hitting my arm.

I can’t even really think as I watch them back out of the driveway and down the street until I can’t see the car anymore.

“What was Jake doing here?”

I shake my head, “I don’t know.”

“Where is Beth going?”

“Home,” I mumble.

“Why?”

I close my eyes, “Because she’s getting away from me for a while.”

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