fourteen

I watch as a few bands warm up for the concert benefit tonight with the proceeds going to the center being built. I’ve been busy all night trying to put everything back together but there is only so much I can do. The money we raise will go to the rest of the construction and hopefully it will all be done and over with in a few months.

No matter how much Justin bugged me during the car ride over here I’m just not ready to really talk right now. I watch him sing up there on stage and it takes me back to a time where it used to be my job following him around. Oh how time flies.

I look over the schedule for the bands and mark off the ones who have completed the sound checks. I hear my stomach growl and sigh as I reach for one of the sandwiches put out on the tables.

“So you think you’ll raise enough money for the rest of the work?”

I look over at Gia, “I sure hope so. I don’t want to have to take money out of Justin’s account to finish it if I can avoid it. That’s why we do charity events.”

I smile as I watch Tyson sleeping on Gia’s shoulder, drooling on her sweater, “He can sleep through just about anything huh?”

Gia readjusts Tyson in her arms, “He’s so used to it by now that he just sleeps through it. Though I don’t recommend doing it with a newborn. You just wait until you have your hands full, you’ll pick up on what the baby can and won’t handle.”

“I hope so.”

“Are you talking to Justin yet?”

I clear my throat, “Not yet.”

“Why not?” she asks, poking me in the ribs.

“Because he lied to me. Come on G, if Derek lied to you his balls would be on the chopping block.”

“Yes, of course, but I always forgive him. And come on, out of all the things to be mad at him for, this has got to be the least of your problems.”

“He didn’t tell me about it. How can I trust him?” I ask, taking a bite of the turkey on white.

“I’m not saying he’s not at fault, I’m saying that what he did doesn’t change your circumstances. You agreed to this baby whether you meant it or not and he just complied. He’s not totally in the dog house here.”

“Well maybe you should marry him,” I kid, offering her a pickle.

“No thanks. I’m going to go off to my office and lay him down, he’s getting heavy.”

“I’ll catch up with you later doll.”

She pats my arm and carries Tyson off. I watch as Justin takes the stage and I walk off, cleaning up some of the plastic cups in the garbage. It’s like cleaning up after a bunch of dogs I swear. Like I don’t do enough of cleaning up at home.

“Did you miss me?”

I look up to see Jake standing there in the flesh. My mouth drops to the floor and I push him hastily to the side, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m playing base for The White Stripes.”

“Jake, you didn’t say you were going to be here.”

“Would it have made any difference? Besides, I wanted to surprise you.”

I feel blood rush to my cheeks, “It would have made a difference.”

“Have you gotten my letters?”

“Do you think if I didn’t I would be asking you why you didn’t tell me you were going to be here? You know what I do for a living.”

He shrugs, “I’ve missed you.”

“No you don’t,” I insist, watching Justin finish his set.

“It’s good to see you. Really,” he says, sliding his hand down my arm.

I brush him off me quickly, “Just go alright? Before he sees you.”

“So I guess you haven’t told him about me calling you?” he says, a smug smile creeping onto his face.

“What’s to tell him? I’m not answering your phone calls. Technically your some freak harassing me. There’s a reason I don’t call you back in case you weren’t getting the hint.”

“Then why didn’t you just say that when I wrote you? I said that if you were happy to write back and tell me. I said I wouldn’t bother you. But you never wrote me that letter.”

“I’ve been busy,” I say, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear and watching Justin nervously out of the corner of my eye.

“You can’t be that busy.”

“Look, I’m pregnant alright? Believe me, I’m busy.”

Jake looks at me with surprise, “You are?”

I nod, “I can’t make this stuff up.”

“But are you happy?”

I hesitate for a minute before I hear Justin call out, “Hey Beth, come here.”

“Crap,” I utter under my breath, “Please go.”

“Tell me you’ll come see me,” he pleads, grabbing my hand.

I feel my heart thud in my chest and Justin calls for me again, “I’ll see alright? I have to go now.”

I practically run down the steps to Justin’s side, “I’m here,” I say, not really to Justin but the guys he’s standing with.

He rubs my back, not missing the opportunity to touch me, “Where were you that you had to run? Mexico?”

I chuckle while trying to retrieve my breath, pulling away slightly, “Nowhere.”

________________________________________________________________________

It’s a quiet car ride back to the house with Beth staring out the window. I can only take the silence so long and she knows it too, “I think the benefit is going to be a big success.”

She only nods. That’s just great, “And everyone sounded good. I don’t want you on your feet too much so if you need help ask Gia, she said she would help if you needed it.”

“Fine.”

“You know I love it when we have these long talks,” I say sarcastically, flipping the radio on and turning it up louder than I would normally listen to it in order to block out the silence and piss Beth off a little.

“Me too,” she replies, flipping me off.

“You know what? I didn’t say it earlier but you are overreacting. Seriously overreacting.”

“I am not, you lied to me.”

“I’m sorry for not telling you for what I was doing but I am NOT going to apologize for what happened as a result of it. End of story. I can’t believe you’re not going to drop this.”

She just smacks the radio and it goes off abruptly, “You are a colossal asshole.”

“Love you too baby.”

“Which one are you talking to?” she replies, putting in the ear buds to her ipod and turning it on.

I reach over as we come to a stop at a red light and pull the cord out of her ear, “Are you jealous?”

She turns to me angrily, “Jealous of what?”

“The baby? Are you seriously jealous of the baby?”

“No, I’m upset that after five years of being with you that it still doesn’t sink through that I need you to share details like, oh I don’t know, no sperm count.”

I sigh and hit the wheel hard as the traffic starts to move again. Sometimes I wish she would just listen to me. But then again, she never did and I knew it. We get home and Beth slams the car door a little too loudly.

She swings the front door open, almost hitting me in the face. I grab it in time and close it behind us, “Justin.”

I groan inwardly, “If you’re going to throw something at me can’t it wait until later?”

“Get in here now,” she demands and I follow her voice to the dining room to see Trace sitting there, obviously nervous.

“What’s going on?” I ask questioningly.

“I don’t know, he’ll only talk to you. And why is it that every time we leave this house you manage to find you’re way in here?”

“Justin, we need to talk.”

I watch as Beth flips her high heels off her feet and throws them in the closet, “I paid six hundred dollars for those you know.”

“So you wear them.”

I turn to Trace, “What’s so important?”

Trace moves closer to me, “We need to talk about your problem. I’ve been thinking about it and I can’t wait for you to do something. You need help,” he hisses.

God could this day get any worse?

“Trace it isn’t what you’re thinking.”

“I saw the needles okay? I’m not stupid and Beth needs to know.”

“It’s not drugs Trace alright? Just leave it be.”

Trace grabs my shoulder, “Look, I wasn’t here for you the first time you fell, I’m not going to let it happen again.”

“You’re not Lassie.”

Beth parades back in with a slice of pizza on her plate, “What is it Trace?”

He shrugs, “Nothing, I just wanted to talk to Justin.”

“Why? He hasn’t made you miserable yet this morning?”

Trace leans over and pulls a pepperoni off her piece, “That could be debated.”

“Listen the two of you, let us have a nice weekend please? Trace, it is not what you’re thinking for the very last time.”

Trace looks over at Beth who looks oblivious, “Trace you look like someone ran over your dog.”

“Justin’s doing drugs,” he spits out.

I hold my hands up, “No I’m not!”

He turns to Beth, “I found some needles in a bag and I’m worried we need to get him help.”

Beth starts to laugh and coughs a little, “You thought he was doing drugs?”

Trace looks to me and I give him an “I told you so” look.

“Then what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I interject, pinching Beth’s shoulder to tell her not to go any further.

“But the bag I found…”

“Was Justin’s fertility drugs,” Beth says so casually yet it feels like she just punched me in the gut.

“What?” Trace asks, whirling around to look at me. I feel myself blush for the first time in I don’t even know how long. I have done everything under the sun and was never embarrassed. Until now.

“He took fertility drugs because he can’t produce a kid. So bam, here I am.”

I take a step back, holding my side and walk out of the room. God she really is hitting below the belt on this one. Trace calls out my name and grabs my arm as he catches up with me, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t want to talk about it Trace,” I say, pulling away from his grasp.

“You could have told me, you’ve had me going out of my mind on what to do. Not knowing if it was serious or how long you had been doing it.”

“I’ll make it easy for you Trace. Go home,” I say, handing him his keys.

“Are you okay?” he asks, refusing to walk out the door that I’m holding open for him.

“Yeah, I’m great. I love it when Beth spills the few secrets I don’t want told to the whole fucking world. Yippee. Happy now?”

Trace takes his keys, “Fine, I’ll see you later.”

I’m not really sure what to do. It’s probably the one time I’ve ever really been mad at Beth. Well, one occasion that is justified. And it’s the angriest I’ve ever been at her. But I’ve also grown, and knowing that I’m not going to yell at her. There’s no point.

Bethany comes through the hall with her empty plate in hand and looks at me as I stare at her, “What?”

I move closer to her and come an inch to her face. She shudders a little underneath my gaze and I take the plate from her hand forcefully, “I’ll put it in the kitchen.”

I take the plate and go into the kitchen, slamming it into the sink, sending shards of glass everywhere. I watch as Beth puts her hand over her mouth in horror and I round the corner and out the door, leaving her standing there.

15