thirteen

I storm through the doors of the office and walk into what used to be my office that Lexi had taken over to see that she has already had taken all her stuff out. I can’t believe she managed to screw me over in three months and there is nothing I can do about it.

“She’s already gone.”

I turn around to see Shane, “I can see that. Too bad, I was going to murder her.”

“Look, I know I was the one who didn’t like her but I don’t think killing her over some screw ups is a good idea. I mean, they can convict you for things like that.”

“She lied to me.”

Shane pulls out a chair, “What are you talking about?”

I pull my hair out from my pony tail, “All this time I haven’t been here is because Lexi told me Justin came by and cleared out my stuff. She said it was because he wanted me home and today I asked him about coming back and he had no idea I had even left. He never told Lexi I was leaving, he was giving me a bigger office.”

“Oh…..” he says slowly.

“What oh?”

He reaches out for my hand and holds it, “Don’t be pissed alright?”

“When you say don’t be pissed I tend to feel myself becoming pissed.”

“Well, I kind of gave Lexi a recommendation.”

I stand there blinking at him, “You did what?”

“You know how much I hated her, so when she said she handed in her resignation and would be out in a few weeks I offered to give her a recommendation to get her out faster.”

I groan, “So you mean that not only did she quit our job but you gave her a recommendation after she fucked everything up here?”

“Don’t forget a pay raise,” he adds.

“Why does this kind of stuff happen? I mean why do people like us get the shit and people like that get everything?”

Shane pulls me onto his knee, “Ah come on, we get stuff too. Like that baby I heard you and Justin are having.”

“Does it show already?” I ask, tugging my shirt down further.

“Tabloids,” he says, taking it from our stacks of magazine.

I look it over as pictures of Justin and me buying the crib appears on the front page, “Well we all knew the day where they would get something right would come along.”

“So what now? Should I try and hire someone else to take your place or are you coming back for good?”

I put my head on his shoulder, “I don’t know. I haven’t been here in a while.”

“You couldn’t do any more harm than Lexi did,” he says, pointing to some plans left on what was my desk. I move over and look at them, realizing that the plans have been redone so that the office that I’m standing in was supposed to be enlarged, adding an additional seventy thousand dollars to the already over budget project.

“How over budget did she go?”

“Half a million.”

I spin around, “Are you serious?”

Shane holds up his hands, “I’m not in charge. There was nothing I could do while I was traveling to the other rehab centers. I didn’t even know about the changes until I got back last week.”

I feel a wave of exhaustion come over me and move back over to Shane, “It’s going to take me forever to clean this thing up.”

“So that means you’ll come back for a while then?” he says, half asking, half pleading.

“For a little while. At least until the baby is born and then we’ll see how it goes.”

“Thanks Beth.”

“I’m just happy to be back,” I respond, looking around the room and remembering the first time I walked in, never really imagining what it would have been like four years ago.

________________________________________________________________________

I drop my bag in the hall and sort through the mail, “I’m home,” I call out.

“In the kitchen,” comes the voice that has become a very familiar presence in the house.

I walk in to find Trace raiding the cabinets, “Hey stranger.”

He turns around and gives me his trademark grin, “Hey you.”

“What are you looking for, maybe I can help,” I ask, handing him a beer from the fridge.

“Just something edible, it seems like no one has gone food shopping in fifty years.”

I place my coat on the chair, “That’s my fault, I’ll go shopping later. I thought you might be looking for whatever Justin has been looking for these past few days.”

Trace stops short and turns back around to me, “He’s been looking for something?”

I put my hands on my hips, “What do you know about it?”

“Nothing,” he says quickly.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Well you’re not a very trusting person. What can I say Beth? You have problems.”

“You’re not funny Trace. Come on, he’s been driving me nuts lately. Just tell me.”

Trace takes a long swig of his beer, “You know I love you right?”

I stare at him, “Yeah…”

“And that I’m as close to you as I am to Justin.”

“Get to the point.”

“The point is that I would never hurt you or Justin after our fallout,” he says, walking over and kissing me on the cheek, “And I’m going to keep that promise.”

“So what you’re trying to tell me is that whatever Justin is trying to hide from me is going to hurt me?”

“I’m saying you need to talk to him,” he says, grabbing his jacket, “I’ll see you later.”

I sigh in frustration, “Bye.”

He winks at me as he leaves, “You look good.”

“You’re full of bullshit,” I yell back, scribbling down a grocery list as I haphazardly go through the fridge to see what we need. It’s like no one has been here at all to eat anything.

The phone starts to ring and I go for it but realize the phone is not in it’s holder. I take of jogging in my heels up the stairs two at a time all the while holding my stomach until I reach our bedroom, answering the phone, “Hello?”

I swear as I realize the person has hung up and flop onto the bed, realizing that I could probably clean this room up while I’m here. It’s a friggin pigsty from the both of us having been away from the house. Lynn’s dog Rosy comes over and sits by me as I start to pick up all the crap.

Sometimes I wonder hoe someone so meticulous about his music could be such a slob at home. In fairness to Justin, he did offer to hire a cleaning service but I’m just not that comfortable with people going through our stuff. I mean, how many stories are there of celebrities getting their private lives exposed because they had people going through their houses. No thank you.

I throw some laundry into the basket and start to make the bed when Rosy grabs a plastic bag that was covered up by sheets. I bend down and try to take it from her, managing to pry it out of her mouth. I shake the bag off from her slobber and try to make out what is inside. I take a good look at it to see needles in it with some medications in small jars.

I sit up and look over the bottles carefully, examining the labels carefully. As I read them I it occurs to me that this was the thing he was looking for all along. That thing he wouldn’t tell me about. Dead guy walking.

_______________________________________________________________________

After a very long time at the studio I finally made my way home. I used to love spending all my time there, pounding out beats with Timbaland but now I have someone to come home to and on days like today, all I really want to do is be home. I throw my jacket to the side, “Beth, I’m home.”

I walk in to see her sitting in the chair with her arms folded over her chest, which is never a good sign, “Nice to see you. Take a seat.”

Sensing this can’t be a good thing by the look on her face I hesitantly sink down onto the couch, “Bad day at the office?”

Her expression doesn’t change, “That’s not what I want to talk about.”

“What do you want to talk about then?”

Beth flippantly tosses me a small plastic bag on my lap. I don’t even need to look down at it to know I’m in hot water, “Listen-”

“No you listen,” Beth interrupts, “Are those what I think they are?”

I wince, “It all depends on what you’re thinking I guess.”

“They’re fertility drugs.”

I hate the way she says it, like I’m lower than dirt, “Yeah, that’s what they are.”

“Spit it out Justin, I think I’ve earned the right to an explanation.”

Noting the anger, I quickly decide to just let it all hang out, “I’m taking fertility drugs because… because my count is really low.”

“For how long?”

I shrug, embarrassed by the whole conversation, “About two years.”

Beth shakes her head, “So you’ve known for two years that you had a low sperm count and took drugs without ever telling me? When was I going to get that memo? Our fiftieth anniversary?”

“Look, you know the side affects of doing drugs, you run a clinic. Infertility isn’t uncommon.”

“That’s not the point. We both know you pressured this baby thing. You practically blamed me for the reason I wasn’t pregnant right away all the while you knew it was probably you’re fault.”

I sheepishly look at her, hoping that she’s going to let this one slide, “I’m sorry. I really am but I knew that eventually down the line you would want a baby Beth. I know you. And the drugs haven’t really been doing much until they put me on a new one a few months ago. I may have pushed you, but I only did it because this could be our only shot at this.”

She instinctively puts her hand over her stomach, “You should have told me. I can’t believe you have been keeping this from me for two years. Anything else you want to let off your chest? A second family? A sex tape maybe?”

I stand up, “You’re over reacting. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Beth rises to her feet carefully, slapping my hand away when I try to help her up, “You see, that’s where you’re wrong. This is a very big deal and you tried to hide it from me. And the worse part is you’re not even sorry.”

She can be so unforgiving sometimes I swear, “That’s because you want me to apologize for us about to have a baby. And I won’t do it. I won’t stand here and tell you I’ve made a mistake by wanting a family. I’m sorry if you don’t like that.”

Beth brushes past me, “I’m going to lay down in the guest room.”

“Come on Beth, can’t we just talk this through?”

She stops midway up the stairs, “What is there left to talk about?”

“Oh I don’t know, us? The fact that you’re mad at me over something really stupid?”

“It’s not stupid. Don’t belittle this.”

“I’m not, I’m just saying that you’re making this into a bigger deal than it is. You’re pregnant like we talked about. Who cares how we got here?”

“You are such an ass sometimes it makes me wonder how I deal with you.”

I sigh, “So are we going to talk about this or what?”

Beth rolls her eyes, “Maybe later. Right now I’m going to lie down and try not to picture leaving you.”

With that she storms the rest of the way up the stairs and I sit back down, hoping she won’t overreact while I wait for her to cool down.

14