twelve

I examine myself in the mirror as my hands go over my expanding stomach. Its funny how had this been years ago I would have been dying. Suck the stomach in, chest out and the clothes as tight as possible. My dad would say it was a waste of a body. I suppose that’s what he considered mom. I wonder what he’ll say when the papers get this news.

“Stop it.”

I turn around to see Justin stumbling around the bedroom looking for something, “What?”

“I said stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop analyzing yourself in the mirror.”

I sigh under my breath, “How do you know what I’m doing?”

He throws his crap to the other side of the room, falling to his knees to look under the bed, “Because I know you. This isn’t a beauty pageant.”

I hate to admit it, but I really do appreciate the fact that he’s here with me to ground me. Most of the time, I’ve been the one pulling him back to earth. Its times like these though where I really appreciate him.

“Gia is coming over with Tyson later.”

I nod, realizing I haven’t spoken to her since… I can’t even remember. Damn. Justin starts to move my side of the room around and I finally speak up, “What are you looking for?”

He glances up quickly, “Nothing.”

“Right, that would be why you’re on your knees over there.”

Justin just rolls his eyes, which totally comes from me by the way. I think he picked it somewhere along the way and I’ll admit has become pretty damn good at it lately. Finally he gets frustrated and stands up, “I was thinking maybe we should go shopping for the baby later.”

“Shopping for the baby?”

Justin pops a chip in his mouth, “Yeah, you know like for a crib and stuff? Maybe some maternity clothes for you?”

“Are you saying I’m fat?”

“If I was don’t you think I would be covering my dick right about now?”

His lips hit my forehead and he plants a kiss there, rubbing it in with his thumb subconsciously, “I love you.”

“I know,” I reply, still examining how much longer I’ll be able to button my jeans.

“We should probably set up a doctor’s appointment too. I mean we don’t even know how far along in the pregnancy you are.”

I nod, “I assume it’s like a couple weeks, I’m still able to get most of my clothes on. Alright. Maybe I’ll ask Gia who she used when she was pregnant with Tyson.”

“What about work?”

“What are you talking about?” I laugh, looking at him.

A knock on the bedroom door causes the both of us to turn and see Gia in the doorway with Tyson on her hip. Justin steps forward and picks Tye up, carrying him downstairs with him. I hesitantly move towards Gia but she’s faster than I am, wrapping her arms around me, “I really missed you B.”

A rush of relief spreads over me, “I missed you too. I’m sorry for not saying something earlier.”

“You has to deal with your shit. I get that.”

“Sometimes I think you understand too much. I wish I could have expressed how I was feeling. I felt so alone for the longest time. I guess I assumed you would take Justin’s side.”

Gia scoffs, “I rarely take Justin’s side. Half the time I just do it to piss him off for all the times he screwed me over before you came along.”

“I’m really just feeling a little nervous about this right now,” I say, gesturing to my stomach, “I mean I want him to want to have kids with me, I just didn’t want to actually have them. Not that what I just said makes any sense.”

She raises her eyebrows, “No, not really. But I think I know what you mean. You wanted to keep him when you lost the first baby since things were falling apart and now that things are going well, you don’t want to lose him.”

A small smile pulls at my lips, “Don’t over simplify it. You’ll make me look like an idiot.”

Gia licks her lips, “Whatever you say.”

“I wish.”

“So, how does it feel?”

I look at her reflection in the mirror, “To be pregnant?”

“No, to see how long you can stare at your reflection.”

“Funny.”

Gia grabs onto my shoulders and smiles, “I thought so.”

“I don’t really know. I’m happy we’re having a baby, I’m happy that we are together but I’m not going to lie and say everything’s just perfect, because it’s not. I’m scared shitless about carrying the baby and the whole delivery process.”

“You won’t care once you see your baby for the first time.”

I stare at her, “Liar.”

“Okay, fine. But it sounded good right?”

“Gia.”

“Oh come on. It will all work out.”

“I hope your right,” I remark, sitting down on the side of the bed.

“So are you guys going to find out the sex of the baby?”

“We haven’t gotten that far ahead yet.”

Gia shrugs, “Just something to think about.”

“I seem to have a lot to think about lately.”

“You just need to calm down and relax. This should be a HAPPY time in your life.”

Gia holds out her hand and pulls me off the bed, “Do you remember when we first went on tour together and we used to stay up eating Oreos and talking about nothing?”

“Mmmm,” I respond.

“If you have a girl you have to do that with her. And if you have a boy, you have to tell him that girls never become too old for sleepovers and Oreos.”

I lean my forehead against hers, “Promise.”

________________________________________________________________________

I watch as she stares at the children holding their mother’s hands, watching wide eyed at the toys on the shelves. I squeeze her hand as me make our way to the cribs. She looks so unsure of herself, very “unbeth” like. I lean in to her ear, “You alright?”

“Yeah,” she nods.

I look at all the cribs and gesture to them, “I’m thinking our crib has to be here somewhere.”

Beth puts her hands on the first crib, “It’s a little overwhelming.”

“It’s just a crib. The overwhelming part is supposed to be the baby,” I respond dryly.

“Don’t be an ass.”

I rub her shoulders gently, “Sorry. I’m not trying to annoy you.”

She sighs, leaning her back against the crib and hiding her face in my chest, “I’m just a little tired.”

“Come on, it’s shopping. I won’t even complain.”

I feel her smile and she puts her head up, “You are really happy about this baby aren’t you?”

“Did you have any doubts?”

“Not about you,” she says, pointing to a crib just to the left, “That one.”

“That one?” I ask, moving over to the white sleigh crib.

“Yeah. I want to decorate the nursery when we find out the sex too.”

I nod, “So is this the start of the whole baby rejoicing thing?”

“I’ll do my best.”

“I think that’s all anybody can say.”

Her fingers run up my arm, comforting me. Unfortunately, in the corner of my eye I see a photographer outside the store, snapping pictures. There is nothing I can do about it and to freak Beth out would just ruin things. The press is going to find out sooner or later anyway.

One of the sales girls comes over, “Can I help you two with anything?”

I point to the crib, “We’re going to take that one.”

“Anything else?” she asks as she tells someone over her walkie talkie the crib id number.

“No, that’s it until we find out the gender,” Beth says, rubbing her stomach gently.

She nods, “Okay. Follow me and I’ll ring you guys up. Would you like to take the crib with you or have it delivered?”

“Delivered is fine,” I tell her, handing over my credit card as Beth looks over the baby furniture.

I sign the receipt and hand it back to the sales girl. I pull my cap down on my head and Beth intertwines our fingers as we head out and Rob pulls the car around. The shouting match begins as the paparazzi scream at us. I look to make sure Beth isn’t freaking out but surprisingly she’s calm as we get in the car.

I buckle in as Beth’s head hits my shoulder and she closes her eyes as we leave the parking lot. Now if I can just find that last bag in our bedroom I can relax and just enjoy life. I can’t believe I can’t find it.

________________________________________________________________________

I look at the bare room that will eventually become the baby’s room. I have a lot to do but with some help I think it will all come together. Gia and I decided to go shopping for some maternity clothes later this week since my clothes are just getting too tight on my stomach.

I flip the light off and walk over to our bedroom to see Justin throwing things everywhere, “What are you doing?”

He stops short, “Nothing.”

“That’s what you said last time.”

“And I’m sticking to that story.”

I shake my head and pet Bella’s head. Lynn has been on vacation for a week so Justin volunteered to watch her, “Fine. I just came in to tell you I made a appointment at the doctor’s for an ultrasound and a check up.”

“When?”

“Next Tuesday at eleven.”

He nods and walks over to me, kissing my forehead, “Okay. You hungry?”

“Starving,” I respond, tugging on his shirt gently.

“We’ll order out,” he says as the phone starts to ring.

I go over and grab the cordless, “Hello?”

“Hey it’s me.”

“Shane?”

“Yeah, who were you expecting?”

I sadly look at my watch, thinking about Will all alone in the record store, I really need to talk to him, “No one, I was just making sure. You never know the groupie who has our home number.”

“Look we have a problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“After Justin pulled you home, Lexi took over and she handed in her resignation after fucking everything up. She’s going to take some assistant job and now there’s no one to delegate or finish the plans for the remodel. Apparently this job was just a stepping stone for her until something better came along.”

“Damn it.”

“I told you she was a bitch.”

“Thank you Shane.”

“I’m not trying to step on any toes here but no one is as good as you are. We need you just for a little while until we can fill the position.”

I rub my temples, “Alright, I’ll talk to Justin.”

“Thanks hon.”

“No problem.”

“And Beth?”

“Yeah?”

“I missed you.”

I smile, “Miss you too Shane.”

I hang up and go down stairs to see Justin setting the table, “Hey.”

I sit down at the table and swing my legs under me, “I need to talk to you.”

“What’s up?” he asks, handing me some silverware.

“Well, Lexi quite this morning and apparently someone needs to run the office. And Shane wants me to do it.”

Justin looks at me quizzically, “You already run the office.”

“No, when you wanted me to stop working Lexi took over. When she quit this morning no one else is able to do the job in such a short amount of time.”

“What are you talking about? I never wanted you to stop working, that’s where I thought you went when you jogged.”

“Yes you did, when I went to my office, Lexi gave me my stuff and said that because we were having a baby you wanted me home.”

Justin hands me a plate of food, “No I didn’t. I just moved you to a bigger office in case you ever wanted to bring the baby to work with you that there would be a portable crib there, that’s all. I told Lexi to let you put your stuff in the office as you wanted.”

“So you didn’t say I couldn’t work?”

Justin shakes his head, “I would never tell you that Beth. You make that recovery center what it is. I would never tell you what to do.”

My head spins until I feel like killing a certain assistant. I’m going to kill her.

13