Ironic, Isn’t It?
I lay next to Brooke on the couch, “So what am I going to do now?”
“Screw them both.”
I take a sip of my beer, “I would if I could get away with it and not serve twenty to life.”
“Well first you are going to move in with me. Second you are going to quit your job.”
I sit up, “Whoa, whoa, I am not going to quit.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” I say going to grab a piece of pizza, “I’m good at my job. Why would I quit?”
Brooke takes my beer from me, “Obviously you’re drunk. Maybe because your ex-fiancé current boyfriend is your boss and he cheated with your coworker.”
“So what? I am mature enough to handle this.”
“It’s not about what you’re mature enough to handle, it’s about fucking the both of them.”
I shrug, “I am damn good at my job. I will not give up everything I have worked for just because of the two of them. I’ve been accused of everything under the sun but the truth is, I got that job because I bust my ass, not my boob size.”
“Fine, but if I were you I would move my desk.”
I pull a piece of pepperoni off the pizza, “No kidding.”
Brooks licks her lips, “I can’t believe you slept with Justin Timberlake.”
A smile spreads across my face, “Yeah I did. With pictures to prove it.”
“Always thinking of your job. So how was the eight world wonder in bed?” she pries.
“Fine,” I shrug.
“That’s it? He is one of the greatest and sought after guys to end up in bed with and the only thing you can think of to say is fine?”
My body stretches out a little, remembering how he crowded the bed, “He was drunk. That doesn’t exactly spell great lay. I don’t remember that much of it to tell you the truth.”
“How did it feel getting even with Scott?”
I smirk, “Priceless.”
“Sounds like fair play to me. So you two are even now.”
I take a breadstick from the basket, wondering why Brooke bothered to order them. Last time I checked it digests to the exact thing we are already eating minus the cheese and sauce, “Yeah well when you start to date someone serious and they cheat on you, tell me what you feel like doing to them and then tell me if you think having a one night stand measures up.”
“So what’s the plan?” Brooke asks, handing back my beer.
“I’m not sure yet but whatever I come up with it’s going to be messy.”
“That’s why you have me. Best friends are always there for you.”
I smile, “Thanks Brooke. Now I just have to get my stuff and Italics.”
“You want me to go with you?”
I shake my head no, “I have to do this alone.”
________________________________________________________________________
I sit down as I get a lecture from Johnny as to how I’m supposed to be conducting myself in the public eye. I zoned out about ten minutes ago, unable to think of anything except for that girl I was with the other night. Something about her triggered a urge to be with her again, which I can’t seem to explain considering she was taking shots at me on her way out.
“Which brings me to the point, I don’t want you to come out of the hotel if you have a hangover. I now have to explain this,” he says, tossing a magazine at me. I pick it up to see a picture of me throwing up outside the hotel. Jeez I can’t go anywhere without someone snapping my picture.
“You’re overreacting. You could explain this picture in a second. I had the flu or the stomach bug, take your pick. No big deal.”
Johnny doesn’t appear to be pleased with my response, “Turn to the cover.”
I unfold the magazine to see UCS staring up at me that reads, “Justin Timberlake appears to be a lightweight after sleeping with a stranger in New York’s Hilton Hotel.”
UCS. Uncovering Celebrities’ Shit.
God I hate this magazine, “It’s a rag. No one will believe it.”
“Still, this magazine has been on your ass lately.”
“Hey, we’ve been successful in stopping them from printing their shit before.”
Johnny takes the magazine and holds it up, “And they are beginning to have a personal vendetta against you. Apparently there is a new guy who took over the magazine who wasn’t too happy about us stopping him from printing the pictures of you making out with someone else’s girlfriend and now they have the shots of you frolicking in the nude with one of those swimsuit models they are trying to print.”
“Oh yeah, tell him to bring it on,” I laugh, moving from side to side in the swivel chair.
“Scott Fisher is not one to be fucked with Justin.”
I stop moving, “Scott Fisher? Like the guy-”
“Like the guy who you had that radio interview with last year that screwed you.”
“That asshole now has his own magazine?”
“Turns out he enjoyed screwing with celebrities. And you my friend are on the top of his list to screw with. All I ask is that you be on your best behavior these days.”
I get angrier as I look at the magazine, “Scott Fisher.”
“Scott Fisher,” he echoes.
________________________________________________________________________
I subtly open the door to my house, slipping through the door. Italics greets me with a meow and a grateful look on his face. Scott never liked cats and I don’t plan on leaving my baby with him. I take my suitcase out of the closet and go into my bedroom, placing Italics on the bed and piling my clothes into the bag.
I go through my dresser, putting everything I want to take with me in the suitcase. I skip the pictures seeing as they don’t seem to matter much anymore. Finally I put the few trinkets I want to take not for me but from Scott.
I rip off the Egyptian sheets from the bed and stick them in a bag, piling it all into my car. The cat’s food dishes and his toys are piled up in a cardboard box before finally grabbing my keys and putting Italics in his crate. I try to pick it up as I concentrate on watching the clock but find myself unable to. I turn around and jump back as I see Scott pressing down on the crate.
“Dick,” I breathe out.
“Paige, I’m sorry.”
I back up from him, “Don’t come any closer to me, you got that?”
He doesn’t heed my warning and takes a step closer, “Don’t give me that Paige, I said I was sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? Cheating on me with my coworker or doing it on our bed?”
I go to move past him but he puts his arm across the threshold, “It was a mistake Paige. I made a mistake. I’m only human.”
“It wasn’t a mistake. Mistakes are when you accidentally step on Italic’s tail or you shrink my favorite shirt in the wash. Sleeping with Trish was not an mistake, it was a purposefully done fuck that in the end fucked you over.”
“Where have you been staying?”
“Not with Trish.”
He hangs his head out of annoyance instead of shame like he should be right about now, “You stayed with Brooke?”
“Is that a question? Who was I supposed to stay with? You have way too many enemies in this town to go out and ask for shelter from people I know aren’t going to murder me in my sleep because of you.”
He reaches out and puts his hand out on my face, “I love you Paige. I am working with you to get this relationship back on track.”
“You slept with Trish. I will never, ever trust you again.”
He leans in and kisses my head, “She and I just got caught up in the moment.”
God now I know I want to screw him over, “You are so full of shit it’s not even funny.”
“Paige I need you. Please don’t do this, it was not a big deal.”
I gasp, “How can you belittle this? This is not a situation like you forgot it was our anniversary. This is something God strikes you down with lighting for.”
Scott laughs, letting his hand go from my cheek to my neck, rubbing it, “It is nothing. Sleeping with Trish meant nothing to me.”
“Than why did you do it?” I ask, thinking about how castrating him might be for the good of all mankind. I mean, I would be doing women a favor.
“You were never here, I got lonely.”
“Oh, so me being gone for work lead you to cheat on me.”
“You were never here Paige, what was I supposed to do?”
“Keep your dick in your pants asshole. This isn’t rocket science.”
“It meant nothing. Take it from me, they never mean anything.”
“Excuse me? They?” I ask, obviously thinking that he has some sort of disease that was transmitted from Trish’s nether regions to his and eventually made it up to his brain.
“From what I’ve heard and the one time I fucked up okay? I’ve never done anything like this before. I dare you to cheat on me and you’ll see that it means absolutely nothing.”
I stare at him as I try to push my way through to no avail. Why couldn’t God have allowed women to be the stronger sex? I suppose he was trying to even the odds since we get the brains but I mean come on, I need help here, “You are an asshole.”
He smiles, “And that’s why I love you Paige. We are good together; I just need one more chance. Stay with me.”
I’ve had enough. I raise my knee up and slam it into his groin. He falls to the floor in pain and I step over his wriggling body with Italics in hand, getting in my car. So fucking long Scott.
________________________________________________________________________
I pull my baseball cap down over my eyes as I go in the building. I go up to the secretary and wait for her to acknowledge me. It’s so much easier to get what you want when people know it’s you but I couldn’t risk letting some teeny bopper see me.
The woman is there chewing her gum like a cow, snapping it every few seconds. I cringe at the noise, “Excuse me.”
She holds up one finger and continues to yak on the phone until I ring the little bell next to her. She looks up annoyed, “What is it?”
“I’m looking for Scott Fisher.”
“That’s nice but he’s not here.”
I sigh, “What time will he be here?”
The woman rolls her eyes, “I don’t know, why don’t you go see his girlfriend.”
I feel myself get angrier as the seconds tick away talking to this fucking idiot, “How would that help?”
“She works here, haven’t you heard of the power couple? Just go strait down that hall, it’s the first door on the right.”
Before I can say anything else she gets back on the phone and turns her back to me. I walk down the hall until I see the first door with the name P Jenkins. I take my baseball cap off and knock on the door as it opens. The blonde turns around in the chair and hangs up the phone, “Can I help you?” she says, turning around.
“You!” I exclaim.
She drops the papers in her hands, “Oh shit.”
“You work here? You’re Scott Fisher’s girlfriend?”
Her face goes white, “Oh shit.”
I lit out from Reno,
I was trailed by twenty hounds
Didn't get to sleep that night
'Till the morning came around.
Set out runnin' but I take my time
A friend of the devil is a friend of mine
If I get home before daylight,
I just might get some sleep tonight.
Ran into the devil, babe,
He loaned me twenty bills
I spent the night in Utah
In a cave up in the hills.
“I slept with you a few nights ago.”
She rushes over and closes the door behind me, backing up against it, “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”
My mind is reeling, “I was looking for Scott and the secretary told me to see you since you are his girlfriend…” I take a closer look at her, “I slept with you,” I babble in shock.
Paige closes her eyes for a minute and I watch as she mouths the numbers one through ten before opening them, “What do you need,” she whispers.
“I’m trying to get him to stop that story about me going to print.”
Paige starts to laugh, “I can pass that along but trust me, he doesn’t like you after that whole stopping his last article with pictures. I really doubt he’s going to want to retract pictures of you nude with some girl.”
I go back to the conversations that night and start to smile, “You slept with me because Scott cheated on you?”
Set out runnin' but I take my time,
A friend of the devil is a friend of mine,
If I get home before daylight,
I just might get some sleep tonight.
I ran down to the levee
But the devil caught me there
He took my twenty dollar bill
And vanished in the air.
Set out runnin' but I take my time
A friend of the devil is a friend of mine
If I get home before daylight,
I just might get some sleep tonight.
Paige puts her hand over her mouth and sits down, breathing heavily, “Look, it was one night and I’m trying my best to forget it. You should do the same.”
“But it was Scott who cheated on you? Man the guy is a bigger scumbag than I thought. This is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time.”
“I’m glad my pain amuses you.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I stutter.
“Look, I’m sorry about what happened and I’ll do my best to get him not to run the story if you just leave.”
I feel leverage come into play and I decide to run with it, “So you don’t want him to know we slept together?”
“You really are clueless aren’t you? If you remember anything I said that night you would realize I’m not trying to hide my infidelity. Not that he would believe you anyway.”
“So there is nothing I can do to stop this is there?”
Paige looks sympathetic for a moment, “I’m afraid not.”
I nod and turn back, turning the doorknob when a thought hits me, “You still want to get him back?”
She looks up from her desk, “What?”
“You want to get him back?”
“What are you thinking?”
I lick my lips, “I have an apartment here. What better way to get back at him then screwing the one guy he’s trying to tear down?”
Got two reasons why I cry
Away each lonely night,
The first one's named Sweet Anne Marie,
And she's my hearts delight.
The second one is prison, baby,
The sheriff's on my trail,
And if he catches up with me,
I'll spend my life in jail.
Got a wife in Chino, babe,
And one in Cherokee
The first one says she's got my child,
But it don't look like me.
Set out runnin' but I take my time,
A friend of the devil is a friend of mine,
If I get home before daylight,
I just might get some sleep tonight.
“What’s in it for you?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
Paige looks at me skeptically, “Oh please, I’m no one special. Anyone of those girls with their tits hanging out would happily sleep with you. You aren’t looking for an easy lay.”
“The thought of fucking that guy while screwing you sounds good to me. Imagine how pissed he would be if I got you after he fucked up. What better way to hurt him than go through you.”
Paige looks me over, “You know what? You need to leave.”
I turn the doorknob, “If you decide to get back at him, look me up.”
You can borrow from the devil
You can borrow from a friend
The devil'll loan ya twenty
But your friend got only ten
Friend Of The Devil- Counting Crows
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